The Queen's Revenge
by EGB Fan
Summary: The Ghostbusters' daughters disappear shortly after the arrival at the firehouse of an unusual chess set.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **This story is OC-heavy. The Spengler twins were created by Fritz Baugh. Charlene Zeddemore was created by Fritz Baugh, and developed by Fritz Baugh and myself. Kaila Zeddmore created and developed by Fritz Baugh and Brian Reilly. All other original characters are mine (mine, I tell you!).

_Ghostbusters: _**The Queen's Revenge**

Chapter 1

'You know what you are, Egon?' said Peter Venkman. 'You're a glory hog. Poor little Lucy. No one's interested in seeing her now.'

'Of course they are,' said Egon. 'I'm sure that old thing will lose all its novelty once she arrives. I didn't think people were going to find it half as interesting as they seem to be. I didn't even really think anyone would notice it.'

'How could they not notice it? It takes up practically the entire kitchen table, and you know if any of the kids come here after school they head straight for the kitchen.'

In fact quite a crowd had amassed around the kitchen table, leaving Egon and Peter on their own in the rec room.

'I just didn't think it was that interesting,' said Egon. 'I'm only mildly interested myself, and I can't even tell them very much about it yet.'

'Egon,' said Peter. 'It's not the history - it's the novelty value. Just looking at it is much more fun than listening to whatever stories are behind it.'

'For you, perhaps.'

'Well, it kept me distracted for a minute or two this morning, even though it's not very shiny. Oh, look, speaking of kids coming here after school. Hello.'

'Hi, guys,' said Charlene Zeddemore, as she appeared at the top of the stairs.

'Hi, Dad, hi, Egon.' Jessica Venkman was behind her.

'Well, look who tagged along,' said Peter. 'Hi, Hayden. Do you remember Egon?'

'Vaguely,' said Hayden.

'Egon, do you remember Hayden Wallance?' asked Peter.

'Vaguely,' said Egon. 'Hello, Hayden. It's very nice to see you again.'

'Where is everyone?' asked Charlene. 'I thought Lucy was going to draw a big crowd.'

'Oh, she has,' said Peter. 'They came for the baby, but they're staying for the chess.'

'What?' said Jessica.

'Come and see it if you want to,' said Egon, making his way into the kitchen. 'Everyone else seems to be enjoying it immensely.'

Peter, Jessica, Charlene and Hayden all followed him into the next room, and found themselves on the outside of a crowd slightly too big for the space available, all looking at an elaborately carved chess set that did indeed take up practically all of the table. The only one not interested in the set was Slimer, the resident pet ghost, who was emptying the fridge. When the new arrivals entered, however, he flew over to them and gave Peter an enormous hug.

'Off!' said Peter, pushing him away. 'I guess I asked for that - I don't know why I even came in here. I'd introduce you, Hayden, but you'd only get slimed.'

'Slimer, perhaps you'd better go and watch out for Grace and the children,' said Egon. 'There are rather too many people in here already.'

Slimer agreed, hugged Hayden anyway and then flew from the room, followed by the raging voices of both Peter and Jessica.

'How many times, Slimer?'

'You're completely disgusting! Mind you,' said Jessica, looking at Hayden, 'in your case it's an improvement.'

'I know,' said Hayden, as Charlene handed him a tea towel. 'Thank you, Charlene. You didn't have to yell at him - I don't mind.'

'Sure you do,' said Peter.

'Do I?' said Hayden. 'I didn't realise. Anyway, the chess set's worth it. That is _nice_.'

As well as being striking in its size, the set was unusual in its materials. The pieces were carved from what looked like oak and pine, and therefore not drastically different in their colouration. They were set up on their board, which was also made from those types of wood, each representing a detailed character of some kind.

'Hey,' said Peter, 'does everyone remember Hayden?'

Everyone answered at once, their responses ranging from yes to no, and everything in between. All the yeses came from the adults in the room, whom Peter decided to introduce first.

'As you may remember, Hayden,' he said, 'this is Ray, Winston, Eduardo and Roland.'

They all exchanged polite hellos.

'I guess the kids don't remember you so very well,' Peter went on. 'This is Chita and Rose - they're Eduardo's daughters - and this is John and Eden. They belong to Egon. And Janine. You saw her downstairs, didn't you?'

'Very much so,' said Hayden.

'Everyone, this is Hayden, Oscar's half-brother. He's going to be here all school year. You met him once, a few years ago.'

'About six, I think,' said Hayden. He looked at the dark-haired, brown-eyed, sullen-faced girl wearing black. 'I'm not surprised you don't remember me, Rose. You were only three. I remember that, because someone told me you were exactly ten years and one day younger than me. So you must be nine now. That's right, isn't it?'

'Yes,' said Rose.

'Thought so,' said Hayden. 'That's maths.'

He was met with several blank stares.

'You'll get used to his British sense of humour,' said Peter. 'Well, some of you. Maybe.'

'Oh, don't worry, I shouldn't think you'll see that much of me,' said Hayden.

'Well, that's too bad,' said the other dark-haired sister, whose name Hayden hadn't quite caught, and could not for the life of him remember after six years. 'It'd be nice to see you sometimes. _I _remember you from that New Year's Eve party - you were really funny.'

'Was I?'

'Yes, you cracked me up!'

She was smiling a dimpled smile that went all the way to her enormous green eyes. Hayden tried to decide whether she was really as pretty as she seemed, or whether it was just the effect of her high, sweet voice; of her fashionable, pink-heavy clothing; and of her well maintained, carefully styled hair.

'Well,' said Hayden, in response to her comment, 'I do my best. Sorry, dear - what's your name again?'

'Chita,' she said. 'It's Spanish, short for Conchita.'

'Oh, I see,' said Hayden. 'Great name. Sorry to be so uncultured. We don't really get a lot of Spanish speakers where I come from.'

'Call her Connie if it's easier,' said Rose, with a slight edge to her voice. 'She's started going by that now.'

Peter raised his eyebrows. 'You have?'

'Only at school,' said Conchita. 'It's not a big deal.'

'It goes better with Britney and Amber and Ashleigh and stuff like that,' said Rose. 'My sister gets to junior high, and she starts hanging out with all the airhead Barbie dolls.'

'Rose,' said Eduardo. 'Be nice.'

'That's okay, Daddy,' said Conchita. 'I _am_ an airhead Barbie doll,' and she gave her sister an affectionate squeeze that only made her scowl deepen.

'So,' said Hayden, 'what do I call you?'

'Chita,' Conchita said. 'Everybody in this room is to keep calling me Chita. You're from London, right? Oscar's told me all about it - it sounds really cool. I'd love to go there someday. I really like your accent, by the way.'

'Thank you. It has been going down rather well here. You Americans are much more impressed by it than the girls back home.'

At this, Conchita started laughing, and said, 'I told you he was funny!'

'Is it true that all English girls are ugly?' asked Jonathan Spengler.

'Certainly not,' said Hayden.

'Where exactly in London are you from?' asked Eden, the blond-haired, long-limbed girl who had barely been able to take her eyes away from the chess set.

'The posh bit,' said Hayden. 'Near the river.'

'Perhaps you'll show me on a map.'

'Ooh, and show us a picture of your parents' house!' said Conchita. 'Oscar says it's really, really nice and it looks like a dollhouse.'

'What an odd comparison for Oscar to think of,' said Hayden. 'He's right, though, it is nice. It's a Georgian townhouse - everyone loves those. I'll show you on Google Maps, if you can bear to stop looking at the chess. Where did it come from, anyway? Something like that would cost a mint at Covent Garden Market. You should go to Covent Garden Market if you're ever in London, Chita - you'd love it.'

'Oh, I will!' Conchita said with enthusiasm.

'I found it at an antiques fair,' said Egon. 'The dealer offered me a good price, so I bought it. I just thought it was interesting.'

'It _is_ interesting,' said Ray. 'I've never seen a chess set like it! I hope we can find out who exactly those oak pieces represent. The pine pieces are clearly Romans, but they invaded so many settlements, the other side could be practically any race in Europe.'

'From their appearance,' said Egon, 'and from what the seller told me about the set's history, I'd say they're intended to represent one of the tribes of Ancient Britain.'

'Britain, huh?' said Winston. 'Maybe Hayden knows what it is.'

'Oh, I shouldn't think so,' said Hayden. 'I don't know the entire history of - actually, that looks like the Iceni tribe to me.'

Everyone stared at him in blank amazement, including Winston, who hadn't been at all serious in his suggestion.

'I might be completely wrong,' Hayden went on hastily. 'It's just that the queen looks sort of like Boudicca, and those are women in the chariots, aren't they? I don't want to sound sexist, but probably not a lot of women fought the Romans, but Boudicca did, and she had two daughters, so that could be them. I guess the king is meant to be her husband, but if he is that's historically inaccurate, because he was dead before the rebellion started. In fact, it was his dying that caused the whole thing, if I remember rightly.'

Everyone continued to stare at him. Then Peter said, 'Oh my God, you're a geek.'

'How very dare you!' said Hayden, smiling crookedly. 'Everyone knows about Boudicca. She's really famous. People from my mother's generation call her Boadicea, because someone read it wrong a long time ago, but now everyone seems pretty sure it's actually Boudicca. I did a school project on her when I was seven. She and her troops destroyed Roman Londinium - we went on a school trip to see where she'd been.'

'Well,' said Ray, 'if she was as famous as that, it stands to reason that her tribe would be the one immortalised in a chess set.'

'Actually,' said Egon, 'now that you mention it, Hayden, the name does ring a bell. I think I might have heard her referred to as Boadicea.'

'I'm glad you've heard of her at all,' said Hayden. 'She was brilliant. It works out quite well that the queen is the most powerful piece.'

'Did her tribe really fight with chariots, Hayden?' asked Eden.

'Definitely,' said Hayden. 'I don't remember that much about it, but I do remember that they had chariots. Well, I know Boudicca had one herself, anyway.'

'The chariots are particularly interesting,' Eden went on. 'Not a lot of people know that the term "rook" actually evolved from the Persian word "rukh", meaning a chariot. Most people don't even seem to know they represent chariots at all, even though other cultures' versions of the game include chariots quite openly - without giving them cryptic names, I mean. Persian chariots were elaborately decorated to look like small, moving fortresses, and that's how the castle design evolved.'

'Is that what they're teaching child prodigies nowadays?' asked Jessica. 'Real useful, Spengs.'

'I found that out independently,' said Eden, 'when I was learning how to play chess.'

'I never knew that about rooks,' said Hayden. 'That's very interesting. It sort of makes sense that they move in straight lines, I suppose. And it makes sense the knights jumping around, because they're on horseback. I'm not sure about bishops moving diagonally, though. So, do you guys want to look at pictures of my mum and dad's house, then?'

'Yes,' said Conchita. 'When's Lucy getting here, Roland?'

'Soon,' said Roland.

'Who's Lucy?' asked Hayden.

'Roland's baby,' said Conchita. 'She's like a month old, and her mom's bringing her to meet people today. I've already seen her loads of times, but I want to see her again. Do you like babies, Hayden?'

'I expect so,' said Hayden. 'I don't really know any.'

'You'll like Lucy,' Conchita said. 'She's _so_ cute!'

'I'm sure.' Hayden looked at Roland, and smiled. 'Congratulations.'

'Thank you,' said Roland.

'That's why I wanted to come here, Hayden,' said Charlene. 'To meet Lucy.'

'Me too,' said Peter.

'And me,' said Ray, just as Winston said, 'Same here.'

'Really?' said Eduardo. 'I thought at least one or two of you were here on shift.'

'Of course not,' said Peter. 'Come on, Hayden - let's go see your parents' house. I sometimes used to wonder what it was like.'

There followed a mass exodus from the kitchen. Most people went, either because they were genuinely interested in Hayden's parents' house, or because they thought they might as well look at it while they waited for Lucy. Only Winston, Charlene and Eduardo were left behind. Eduardo, who had not been particularly interested in the chess set in the first place, went into the next room to look for school correspondence in Rose's book bag (she seemed to think it beneath her to act as courier for her school). Winston decided to take the opportunity to catch up with his daughter, and made them both coffee.

'How are your new classes?' he asked.

'Good so far,' said Charlene. 'They should be interesting. A couple of them have some Peter Venkman on the reading list.'

'Really? I thought Peter's fellow psychologists didn't think much of his work. He doesn't even seem to think much of it himself.'

'Well, a lot of people don't think much of Freud either. Anyway, what do you think about Hayden? He's in my criminology class - we found each other last week before Jess even had a chance to introduce us.'

'What was he doing in your class? I thought he was a year below you.'

'He is, but they let exchange students take pretty much whatever classes they want, since they're going to be gone in a year.'

'Makes sense,' said Winston. 'Well, he seems like a nice kid. Pete always said Hayden was his favourite of those Wallances.'

'He's not shy, is he?' said Charlene. 'I know Chita doesn't mind leaping into conversation with strangers, but then he talked to Eden just as easily, and not everybody can do that. I like Hayden - I wish Jess wasn't so mean to him. I thought she'd grown out of that, but the three of us all had lunch together today, and it was like we were twelve again.'

'Maybe you should tell her that.'

'I have. She says Hayden doesn't mind.'

'Oh. Well, I guess she knows him better than you do.'

'I guess so,' said Charlene, 'because he really _didn__'__t_ seem to mind. I guess he might have just been putting on a brave face - I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it all out.'

'Still? I thought you'd understand everyone by now. Or do we have to wait until you graduate?'

'Dad, I will _never_ understand everything Jessica does. I don't think anybody will.'

'Hey, you guys.' Conchita appeared in the doorway. 'Lucy's here.'

.-.-.

Roland's wife Grace had brought Lucy, as promised, as well as their two-year-old son Adam. She hadn't particularly expected to find a big crowd of people in the firehouse foyer, but there they were, so Lucy was passed around Janine's desk. Conchita held her with an expertise beyond her years for a good five minutes, before passing her to Janine and then going to fetch Winston and Charlene. No one thought to introduce Hayden to Roland's family until Adam asked who he was.

'I don't know Oscar as well as these guys do,' Grace said, once Roland had made the introduction. 'He was already off being a famous musician by the time I showed up. I've met him a few times, though, and Roland took me to an early Mood Slime concert when we first started dating. I understand he used to go out with my sister-in-law.'

'So he did,' said Hayden. 'We used to see quite a bit of AJ in the mid-noughties. How is she these days?'

Grace found herself filling Hayden in on the life and times of Amy Jackson, while Roland absorbed the praise and congratulations offered to him on the strength of his daughter's cuteness.

'She's adorable, Roland,' said Ray. 'I think she looks like you. What do you guys think?'

'Well,' said Winston, 'Adam looks more like Grace, and that sometimes seems to happen with two kids - each one looks like a different parent.'

'She's very well behaved,' Peter remarked.

'She's asleep,' said Roland.

'You're lucky. I don't remember Jess _ever_ being asleep at that age.'

Jessica had separated herself from the group, and was entertaining Adam with some of the toys that had found their way to the firehouse over the years. Rose had taken over Hayden's seat at the computer, and was scrolling around the London Borough of Kensington and Chelsea via Google Maps, with both of the Spengler twins looking over her shoulders.

'It's a very pleasant area,' said Eden. 'Hayden was right about the architecture - it does have a certain appeal.' She looked over her shoulder. 'Hayden, are these houses along the Chelsea Embankment Georgian too?'

'Let's see,' said Hayden, peering over Rose's head. 'No, those look Victorian to me.'

'You _are_ a geek, you know,' said Peter.

'Show us the grubby areas farther north, Rose,' said John.

'No,' said Rose. 'I'm going to Covent Garden Market. Don't you want to look at Lucy?'

'I've seen her,' said John.

'I had a good look at her when Mother was holding her,' said Eden. 'She isn't very responsive yet. I'll be interested to see her again in another month's time. I think I'll go and have another look at the chess set.'

.-.-.

'You should see Hayden's parents' house, Daddy,' Conchita said, leaning over the back of the couch and wrapping her arms around Eduardo's shoulders. 'It's really nice. I wish I had a Georgian townhouse in London.'

'Is that why you're cosying up?' Eduardo asked. 'You know I can't afford to buy you one, _querida_, but if I could, I would.'

'I'm cosying up because I love you, Daddy.'

'Oh, good. I love you too.'

'Can I have a sleepover next weekend?'

'Is that all?' said Eduardo. 'Of course you can. We'll check with your mom, but I can't see anything wrong with next weekend. I take it you're inviting the Ashleigh and Amber and Britney crowd?'

'Daddy, their names are Claire and Libby and Sarah and Annabelle. And Ashleigh. But yes, that's who I'm inviting.'

'What would you like us to call you?'

'Whatever you like,' said Conchita. 'Within reason. My name isn't a secret or anything. It doesn't bother you, does it, my new friends calling me Connie?'

'No,' said Eduardo. 'I always knew it might happen someday. In fact, when you were a baby, I even said we could shorten your name to Connie if it made things easier.'

'You did? Why would you say that?'

'I don't know. I felt like I should. I'd already gotten my way once. But I was calling you Chita anyway, and your mom liked that better, because she said Connie was too grown-up. I was glad about that. I wanted you to have a Spanish name to annoy Carlos.'

'Is that the reason?' Conchita asked. 'Really?'

'Well, partly.'

'So what about Rose? I guess her name was pretty clean cut.'

'It was. We hardly talked about that at all. Your mom said she wanted to name her after her Grandma Rose, and I said fine.'

'She won't like this sleepover idea.'

'No,' said Eduardo, 'but it won't kill her.'

'I'll feel bad, though, if she's _very _against it. I don't like upsetting her. Do you think she's been extra grumpy since school started back again?'

'I was wondering about that. I can understand her not wanting to be back at school, but maybe she'll feel better when she gets back into it. Why don't I go downstairs now and lay the groundwork for this sleepover of yours?'

At this point Eden appeared at the top of the stairs, on her way to take another look at her father's chess set.

'Hi, Eden,' said Conchita. 'Don't you just love Lucy? Isn't she adorable?'

'She does have a certain appeal,' said Eden, forgetting that she had used this exact phrase to sum up the Georgian architecture of London. 'And Grace looks well, doesn't she? I seem to remember that it took her a while to recover fully from having Adam. I do wonder how she felt after she had Natalie, but I don't like to ask.'

'You can ask me anything you want when I have babies,' said Conchita, 'if you're still interested. Someday I'm going to have lots and lots of babies.'

'You are?' said Eduardo.

'Yes,' Conchita said, 'but it won't be for a few years yet, Daddy. Hi, Charlene.'

'Hey.' Charlene had appeared at the top of the stairs. 'I'm just passing through. I have to wash some mugs before Janine sees them.'

'What makes you say that?' asked Eden.

'If people don't clean up after themselves,' said Charlene, 'she leaves threatening notes on the fridge. Don't you remember her doing that?'

'It's been a long time,' said Eduardo. 'We've all been real well behaved. Chita, do you think you should come and talk to your sister with me, or do you want to wait here?'

'I'll stay,' said Conchita. 'I've already had her getting at me about my new friends today.'

.-.-.

Down in the foyer, Grace had begun breast-feeding the newly awakened Lucy, and was conversing with Janine and Egon. Peter kept his back firmly towards them and talked to Roland about sleepless nights, bottle feeding and how to keep small boys from murdering their baby sisters. Ray and Winston seemed to be leaving, and John and Rose were still entertaining themselves with Janine's computer. Jessica was tidying up the toys she and Adam had been using, as Adam had found a new playmate in Hayden, who was crawling around on hands and knees with the child on his back.

'I hope Hayden doesn't mind Adam doing that,' said Roland.

'Of course he doesn't,' said Peter. 'He's used to abuse. He got it from Jess growing up.'

Eduardo arrived then, almost tripping over Hayden on his way to talk to Rose. He spoke to her in Spanish, and whatever he said caused her expression to darken.

'You've got it all to come, kid,' said Peter. 'Tantrums, fights, school trouble, puberty, boyfriends, girlfriends…'

'We're going through most of that with Nat right now,' said Roland. 'Or at least Grace is. I don't know quite how involved I should get. Spence really has all of the dad stuff covered.'

'Is Natalie with him now?'

'Yes. He has her for the weekend.'

'Well, I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't know anything about having a stepchild whose father gives a crap. But we all know what I think about Andre, don't we?'

'It has been mentioned once or twice,' said Roland. 'How do Hayden and his other kids like him?'

Peter shrugged. 'Fine, as far as I can tell, but I haven't seen Andre and his family since the kids _were_ still kids. His wife seemed to love him at the time, and I guess she still does.'

'We all met Kate Wallance at that party, didn't we? She seemed really nice. If someone like her married Andre, then I guess he can't be all bad.'

'Well, no one's _all_ bad. Even Hitler loved his dog. I always liked Kate. I've sort of missed having her and the kids visit, but I have a reason to call and talk to her now that Hayden's here again.'

'Good,' said Roland. 'You can tell her how much I appreciate him playing with Adam. I must remember to thank him… if I can find him. He seems to have gone.'

'Really?' Peter turned to look, and saw that Adam had moved onto yet another playmate, this one taking the form of Jonathan Spengler. 'Weird. I guess he went to the bathroom or something.'

.-.-.

'Not here!' said Jessica, who had gone to the kitchen for a soda, and within moments found herself having to prise her lips away from Hayden's.

'Then where?' he asked, refusing to release his grip on her.

'Someplace else.'

'When?'

'Soon.'

'Tonight?'

'I don't… oh, okay, fine.'

She made a deliberate attempt not to sound too eager, and finally succeeded in pushing him away, though in fact her pride was only just winning out against her all too easily awakened desire. Hayden leaned back against the sink and looked at her with hunger in his eyes. Jessica glared at him for a moment, but then found herself having to look away.

'Oh, will you look at that?' she said, nodding towards the table, where two mugs were perched in the little available space beside Egon's chess set. 'Someone didn't put their mugs away. I bet this'll mean more bossy notes from Janine. "_If you USE it, you WASH it, and you PUT IT AWAY_"!'

'Well, fair enough,' said Hayden. 'But it looks like whoever it was forgot this time. They were probably in a hurry to see Lucy. I'll wash them up, shall I?'

'Why should you?'

'It sounds like a lot less hassle than leaving them there.'

'Yeah, I guess,' said Jessica. 'Look, I'll tell you what - I'll do it. You go back to your crumby little dorm room, and I'll be there in an hour or two, okay?'

'I'd rather you were there sooner.'

'Tough. You'll have to wait. I can't leave with you and then be out all night.'

'Pity,' said Hayden.

'Shut up and get going, before someone catches us.'

'Doing what? I'm not even touching you.'

'For God's sake, just go!'

.-.-.

Down in the foyer, Adam was experiencing extreme degrees of boredom. All his playmates of that afternoon had abandoned him, and those that remained were more interested in his little sister than in him, or else they were doing their own thing. Eduardo was still having his conversation with Rose, while Peter was leaning against a corner of Janine's desk and jabbing away at his smart phone. Roland and Grace were engaged in conversation with Egon and Janine, with Lucy asleep again in Roland's arms. Adam toddled over to them and tugged at Grace's sleeve.

'Sorry, sweetie,' she said, lifting him into her arms. 'We can go home in a minute.'

'Can we go home too?' Rose asked Eduardo.

'Yes,' said Eduardo. 'Will you go get your sister for me, please?'

'You could get her yourself, you know.'

'I know, but she'd much rather you got her. That way she'll know there are no hard feelings about this sleepover of hers.'

'But there _are_ hard feelings,' said Rose. 'I know what's going to happen. They're going to be all over the floor, doing each other's hair and painting each other's nails and talking about boys and clothes and ponies and stickers.'

'Yes, well,' said Eduardo, 'that doesn't sound like my idea of a fun evening either, but we're being supportive of Chita because we love her. Now please find her and tell her it's time to go home.'

Rose frowned at him for a moment, and then she went. Eduardo turned to the others with a look of amazement, and said, 'She did it!'

'Maybe she's planning something for later,' said Peter, as Hayden passed Rose on the stairs and approached the group. 'Oh, hi - are you still here? I just got an email from Oscar. He says he's sorry he won't be able to come and see us until Christmas. You won't be here then, will you?'

'I shouldn't think so,' said Hayden. 'I'll have to try and catch him in the new year before he naffs off again.'

'Pony,' said Adam, attempting to clamber out of his mother's arms.

'All right, Adam, just once more around the block,' said Hayden. 'But that has to be all. I'm not as strong as I look, you know.'

This got a chuckle out of most of the people in the room. Hayden did not look strong in the slightest.

'You don't have to,' said Roland.

'But I will,' said Hayden, getting onto all fours. Adam climbed onto his back, and they set off on a circuit of the area.

'It was really nice to meet Lucy, you guys,' said Janine.

'You'll have to bring her again sometime, Grace,' said Egon.

'Dana would probably like to meet her,' said Peter, who had not stopped playing with his phone. 'And Oscar. Maybe he'll write a song about how she should have been his niece.'

Roland looked at him uncertainly. 'I thought he was over that.'

'He is,' said Peter. 'I was just kidding. Oh my God!'

'What?' asked Egon, the force of Peter's sudden outburst filling him with concern.

'The house prices in Chelsea!' said Peter. 'Chelsea in London, I mean. Andre must be a billionaire or something!'

'I doubt it, Peter,' said Egon. 'Classical musicians don't make as much as that.'

'Yeah?' said Peter. 'Then I hope he has a crippling mortgage.'

'That's nice, Dr Venkman,' said Janine.

'Everybody shush - Hayden's coming back,' said Peter.

When Hayden reached them, Grace plucked Adam off his back, and he got to his feet.

'Okay,' he said, dusting himself off, 'I've got to go now. Bye, everyone.'

They all said goodbye and waved him off, and then suddenly everyone's attention was back on Peter.

'How much?' Eduardo asked.

'Millions!' said Peter. 'Andre's must be at least a four-bed, because I know the kids don't share, and I can't find one of those for less than two million pounds! Most of them are more like three or four million! Or more!'

'In British pounds?' Egon asked. 'Really?'

'Yes!' said Peter.

'What's that in dollars?' asked Grace. 'About six or seven million? That's insane!'

'Come _on_!' said Adam.

'I wonder if I can find out how much Andre paid,' said Peter. 'When did he move in? Obviously it must have been in the six years between Oscar and Hayden being born…'

'Why would you _do_ that?' asked Janine. 'What does it matter how much the guy's house cost? If you're comparing yourself to him, that makes you pretty pathetic, you know.'

'I know,' said Peter.

'How can anyone afford to live there?' said Eduardo. 'I hope they all go bankrupt.'

'Mom-_meeee_!' said Adam.

'Okay, honey, we're going,' said Grace, putting him down and picking up a cumbersome item from the floor. 'Look, see - I'm putting Lucy's bag in the car right now.'

'What's taking them so long?' said Eduardo, making a sudden beeline towards the stairs. 'Girls, come on, let's go!'

'Maybe Kate put up some of the money,' said Peter. 'Does anyone know how much reporters for big national newspapers earn?'

'Not millions, I shouldn't think,' said Egon.

'Then maybe he _does_ have a crippling mortgage,' said Peter.

'So what?' said Janine. 'You got Oscar, didn't you? That means you won.'

'Unless you want to work on Hayden now as well,' said Egon. 'He seems to like you.'

'He _does_ like me,' said Peter. 'He probably wishes I'd married his mother instead of Oscar's. I might have too, if I'd met her first and she'd played her cards right. You remember Kate, don't you, Egon? She's very -'

'They're gone!'

At this, all eyes turned to Eduardo at the bottom of the staircase. He was clinging to the banister with both hands, his eyes wide with sheer panic. Slimer was behind him, a half-eaten giant bar of chocolate in his hand, looking similarly concerned.

'What?' said Roland. 'Who's gone?'

'All of them! They're all gone! I can't find anybody up there!'

'_What_?' Egon, Janine and Peter all said in unison. Then suddenly they were rushing in all directions, some going upstairs, some down, Eduardo included, each shouting the names of their own children.

'Jess?'

'John?'

'Rose?'

'Eden?'

'Chita?'

Slimer called them too, to the best of his ability, flying through walls and ceilings and leaving a trail of green slime in his wake.

Grace was in the middle of strapping Adam into his car seat, while Roland was still holding Lucy and swaying gently from side to side. Both stopped moving and exchanged a horrified glance, which broke only when Peter fled past them and ventured a little way out onto the street.

'Jess!'

'Rose!'

'Eden!'

'Chita!'

'John!'

'What?'

All eyes turned to John, who had appeared near the restroom. Everyone stared at him, dumbstruck, for a few moments. Then Janine rushed over to him and embraced him.

'Oh, you're still here!' she almost wept.

'Of course I am,' said John. 'What's going on?'

'It's just the girls,' said Peter. 'The girls are all missing! What the hell?'

'Missing?' said John. 'What do you mean, missing?'

'They're _missing_!' wailed Janine. 'They're not here! They're… they're missing!'

'Lucy's not missing,' said Eduardo. 'She's right there. Roland, man, you'd better get those kids out of here.'

'Maybe I should stay,' said Roland.

'Must you?' said Grace. 'Oh, I'm sorry, everyone, I don't mean to sound insensitive. But I don't want to put Lucy in the back on her own, and I want to get out of here quickly, so I don't want to have to move Adam…'

'It's okay, Grace,' said Peter, who was again looking at his smart phone. 'We've all been there. I'm not getting Jess's cell phone at all - she's definitely missing with the others.'

'Hold on,' said Egon. 'Did anyone see Charlene leave?'

There was a brief silence. Then Peter said, 'I'll try calling her.'

.-.-.

Charlene was waking up with the feel of grass against her cheek, with no memory of having gone to sleep in the first place. A few feet away from her, Jessica was experiencing exactly the same thing. They both sat up and stared at each other for a long time. Jessica was the first to speak.

'What the holy Jesus Christ in fucking _hell_?' she said loudly.

'I don't know, Jess,' said Charlene. 'I just don't know.'

They got to their feet. Around them there was only flat grassland, and above them were acres of blue sky.

'I can't _believe_ this!' said Jessica. 'I mean… _what the hell_?'

'You already said that. More or less. Look over there.'

Jessica followed Charlene's gaze, and saw that two more people were getting up from a sleep on the ground a few yards away from them.

'Looks like Edie and Chita,' said Charlene.

'Oh yeah,' said Jessica. 'I wonder what they're doing here. Wait, what am I saying? I wonder what _we__'__re_ doing here!'

'I'm sure we're all wondering that. Come on.'

Charlene made her way over to the two girls, and Jessica followed, her expression and body language frightful to behold.

'Oh,' said Eden. 'You're here too.'

'I suppose it really _is_ you?' said Jessica.

'Do you suppose it really is me too?' asked Charlene.

'I don't know,' said Jessica. 'It might not be. This might just be _my_… whatever the hell it is! That'd be pretty funny, wouldn't it? Like I've got nothing better planned. I was supposed to do something tonight.'

'Really?' said Charlene. 'What was his name?'

Jessica glared at her. 'That's not very nice, Charlene.'

'Sorry.'

'I think we all need to remain calm,' said Eden. 'And I think we all need to assume that we're all us, and we can trust each other, or we'll never get anywhere.'

'Okay, great, I trust you,' said Jessica. 'Now how do we get out of here?'

'I don't know.' Eden looked at Conchita, who had yet to say anything. 'Are you all right, Chita?'

'I'm as all right as the rest of you,' said Conchita. 'I was just wondering if this was all of us.'

'Were you expecting someone else?' asked Jessica.

'No,' said Conchita. 'I just thought we should check. Rose could be here, or Adam, or John, or anyone really. I hope Lucy's still with Grace.'

'This seems to be all of us,' said Charlene, taking in the landscape all around her. 'So… I guess we should try and figure this out.'

'How?' Jessica said stiffly.

'It shouldn't be too hard to find the root cause,' said Eden, 'even if we can't determine the exact nature of this situation just yet. After all, this doesn't happen every day, so we just need to identify the variable that brought all of us here. We'll have to go through everything we did before this happened. For example, the last thing I remember is looking at… oh… Father's chess set.'

'There you are, you see?' said Charlene. 'Eden's hit on it right off. It's old, it's weird, it only arrived today - what else could have done this?'

'I was looking at it too,' said Conchita.

'I wasn't looking at the chess set,' said Charlene, 'but I _was_ in the kitchen, the last thing I remember.'

'Me too,' said Jessica. 'Okay, so the chess set is evil and it zapped us here. What the hell are we going to do about it? I have to be somewhere in a couple of hours!'

'Jessica,' said Conchita. 'Have you ever read _What Katy Did_?'

Jessica stared at her a moment. Then she said irritably, 'What?'

'It has a good bit of advice in it that I've always remembered,' Conchita went on. 'One of the characters says that everything has a rough and a smooth handle, and you can get along with just about anything, if only you can pick it up by the smooth handle.'

'Oh,' said Jessica, 'you have got to be freakin' kidding me, princess.'

'Thank you for not swearing, Jessica,' said Eden. 'That's a very good start. I think Conchita's right. We need to approach this with the right attitude. First off, we don't know that the chess set is evil.'

'Then why would it zap us here?' Jessica demanded.

'I don't know,' said Eden.

'It's so nice here,' said Conchita, lifting her face to the breeze. 'Peaceful. If I was here on my own, I'd think maybe I was dead. But we can't have _all_ died suddenly, can we?'

'I suppose it's possible,' said Eden, 'but extremely unlikely. It can happen to anyone, but what are the chances of it happening to four young people in the same time and place?'

'Look,' said Charlene, 'we're not going to get anywhere by just talking. Maybe we should try moving.'

'Are you sure?' asked Conchita. 'If you're lost, you're supposed to stay where you are.'

'But we're not anywhere,' said Jessica.

'We must be _somewhere_,' said Eden. 'And our parents must be looking for us. It's impossible to tell whether moving or staying put is the more advisable course of action, but if it's a matter of personal preference, I'd rather like to explore. You three can't tell me you're not dying to know where we are.'

'Well,' said Conchita, 'that's certainly picking it up by the smooth handle.'

'If you're going to keep on talking about smooth handles, princess,' said Jessica, 'you're going to start pissing me off, and then I won't be held responsible for my -'

'You guys,' said Charlene. 'Shut up. We got a problem… maybe. What do you think, Edie? Any idea who they are?'

'I believe I have some idea,' said Eden, following Charlene's gaze to where a mass of cloaked and helmeted figures was walking towards them. 'Though whether they mean us harm, good or neither is impossible to tell at this stage.'

'I think I recognise them from the chess,' said Conchita, catching her breath and grabbing Eden's arm. 'They're Roman soldiers, aren't they?'

'I'm sure they are,' said Eden, 'and they have certainly seen us. Now, this ought to be fascinating.'

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Ghostbusters: _**The Queen****'****s Revenge**

Chapter 2

The missing persons' mothers, of course, had to be contacted. It was hoped, briefly, that their daughters could be located and retrieved quickly, and everyone could get home no more than a few minutes later than expected. However, this proved not to be the case. Winston was called back, and very soon arrived in a taxi with his wife Kaila, and Dana Venkman.

'We did call Kylie,' Kaila said to Eduardo, 'and ask if she wanted to share, but she said Roland was bringing her. I guess she'll be here soon. What the hell is going on?' Once she had delivered her message, she let go of her composure and began to sound panicky.

'We don't know,' said Peter. 'But we think maybe they're in the chess.'

Once again, everyone was gathered around the kitchen table: Egon, Janine, John, Peter, Eduardo, and now Winston, Dana and Kaila. Slimer was floating around too, looking anxious, and with no idea of what to do.

'What?' Winston stared blankly at the chess set. 'What are they doing in the chess?'

'Oh, that does it!' said Dana. 'I'm not an art lover anymore. Art is evil. Why can't it just leave people's children alone?'

Just then Kylie ran into the room, with Roland following at a more sedate pace, and went straight for Eduardo.

'Are they really missing?' she asked shrilly.

'Yes,' said Eduardo.

'But how can they be missing? What the hell were you doing? How could you let this happen?'

'It wasn't Eduardo's fault, Kylie,' said Roland.

'I know,' Kylie said at once. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's all right,' said Eduardo.

'We're all terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought at the moment, Kylie,' said Egon. 'I wasn't expecting you to come back, Roland, but thank you.'

'Of course I came back,' said Roland. 'I want to help.'

'These guys think they're in the chess,' said Kaila.

'Well,' said Egon, 'when Peter said that, he was simplifying, to an extent. We don't necessarily think they're _in _the chess. But certainly we think the chess is responsible.'

'Why is that?' asked Kylie, staring numbly at the big and beautiful chess set.

'It seems logical,' said Egon. 'All five of our absentees were last seen on this level, or heading upstairs from the foyer, and the chess set _is_ new here.'

'Eden said she was going to look at it,' John said quietly.

'It's also sending the PKE meters crazy,' said Peter. 'I think that's worth mentioning.'

'Are you kidding me?' said Kylie. 'Then why the hell did you leave it lying around on the kitchen table?'

'Because,' said Egon, 'when I brought it here this morning, it wasn't giving off a reading.'

'Are you sure the PKE meter you used wasn't faulty?' asked Dana.

'Let's not blame the equipment for this,' said Roland. 'Or Egon, for that matter.'

'I wasn't,' said Dana. 'I'm just trying to understand. In science you always look for the simplest explanation, right?'

'Right,' said Egon, 'which is why I checked all the PKE meters. None of them is faulty.'

'Okay,' said Winston, 'so if the chess didn't have a strong PKE reading before, and now it does, what changed?'

'I'm sure there are a great many possible explanations for that,' said Egon. 'But, short of a ghost of some kind flying through the window and taking possession of it between this morning and this afternoon, I can't think of any just at the moment. I need to analyse these readings, and trawl through the database to try and figure out what's happened.'

'What about the chess set itself?' asked Kylie. 'We need to try and find out its history - that could tell us something.'

'Egon,' said Roland. 'Can you get in touch with the woman who sold it to you?'

'I'd have to track her down,' said Egon. 'It shouldn't be too hard - I know her name. But I'd rather try and analyse these readings. Maybe someone else could find her.'

'I'll do it,' said Kaila. 'What's her name?'

'Barbara Connell,' said Egon. 'Thank you, Kaila.'

'What can I do?' asked John.

'Nothing,' said Janine. 'I'm taking you home.'

John stared at her. 'Are you kidding me?'

'Of course not. You can't stay here. What if you disappear too?'

'I won't. It only wants girls. _You__'__re_ in more danger than I am.'

'We can't be sure of anything, John,' said Egon.

'So what am I supposed to do?' asked John. 'Just sit home and worry?'

'What if you came with me, John?' asked Dana. 'I want to see if I can find any of my old friends at the art museum. It's not too late - I bet someone's still there - and if I show everyone I find a picture of this chess set, there's an outside chance one of them might know a little something about when or why it was made.' Her eye fell upon the figure of a Roman scholar on the white queen bishop's square, and she added, 'I'm assuming it's best not to move any of it.'

'That seems like a sensible assumption,' said Roland.

John considered for a moment. Then he said, 'I guess I can do that.'

'Thank you, Dana,' said Egon. 'That sounds like an ideal solution.'

'I'll go with you,' said Janine. 'We can take my car.'

'What about you, Peter?' asked Dana.

'I think I'd better stay,' said Peter, still staring at the chess set.

'Okay.' She squeezed his hand, and then led the way downstairs. Janine, John, Egon and Kaila all followed her.

'I think I'll help Egon,' said Roland. 'He's probably not thinking as clearly as he'd like.'

'Probably not,' Eduardo said distantly, looking at the white king rook, a female figure in a Celtic chariot. She had a fierce look carved onto her face, and an abundance of hair cascading over her shoulders.

Roland looked at the sorry gathering for a moment, then turned and made his way after Egon. This left Peter, Winston, Eduardo, Kylie and Slimer. Slimer began to feel a little awkward, and made a subtle exit from the room. Kylie, meanwhile, had put her hand to her mouth and started to cry quietly. Eduardo put his arm around her.

'We'll get them back,' he said.

'We'd _better_ get them back,' said Peter.

'They'll be all right while we're figuring out what to do,' said Winston. 'Charlene's already got plenty of ghostbusting experience under her belt, and Jess'll fight anyone or anything that tries to get in her way. They'll take good care of the your two, and Eden.'

'Eden might even be figuring out what to do about this right now,' said Peter.

'We don't even know they're together,' said Kylie.

There was a long silence while everyone digested this idea.

'Well,' Winston said at length, 'we don't know anything at the moment. Let's just concentrate on trying to get them back.'

Kylie nodded. 'I'd better hit the books. I don't see what else I can do right now. What am I looking up, anyway? Chess?'

'Sure,' said Peter. 'And try the, um… ice… er…'

'What?' said Kylie.

'What was it again, you guys?'

'Iceni,' said Eduardo. 'The Iceni tribe. Boudicca. Ancient Britain. Did he say when?'

'I don't think so,' said Peter, as Winston shook his head.

'Never mind,' said Kylie. 'I'll find out. Is that who these figures represent?'

'We think so,' said Winston. 'The dark ones, anyway. The light ones are Romans.'

'Oh no,' said Kylie. 'Don't say they're with Romans. Romans were horrible!'

'We can't assume anything,' said Winston.

.-.-.

'Edie,' said Jessica. 'You speak Latin, right?'

'Enough to get by,' said Eden.

'Halt, men!' said the leading Roman, and his soldiers obeyed. There looked to be about a hundred of them, and in fact - as Eden quietly considered - there was most likely that exact number, plus their leader, as this would make him a centurion.

'What are you about, maidens?' the centurion asked.

'Oh!' said Eden. 'You speak English!'

'Come, answer my question. Why do you wander these lands alone? It is not safe. We Romans are a savage and brutal race, who will make playthings of young maidens such as yourselves, and abuse their chastity.'

'Hey!' said Jessica. 'You leave our chastity out of this.' Not that she _was_ chaste, she couldn't help thinking.

'Two of us are even underage!' Charlene added.

'We imperial and imperious Romans do not like to see spirit in those we oppress,' the centurion said, 'and most certainly we do not like to see it in womenfolk. Come, men! Hold them down, and we shall violate them by turns.'

'Oh no you don't!' said Charlene, grabbing Conchita and pushing her behind her back, while Jessica did the same to Eden. 'Just leave us alone, okay?'

'Why should we do such a thing?' asked the centurion. 'Do you intend to escape us, or overpower us? It cannot be done.'

The hundred Roman men, and their leader, began to laugh. Charlene and Jessica exchanged panicked looks. Each had one hand behind her, planted firmly on the arm of the girl she had taken charge of. Behind them, Conchita and Eden were also looking at one another, desperately racking their brains for a solution.

'You'll have to kill us first,' said Jessica.

'We shan't,' said the centurion, casually lifting his right arm and flexing his bicep. 'We can very easily hold you down. If you wish to fight us, it will do you no good, but we shall enjoy it all the same.'

'You sick bastard!' said Jessica.

'Not the kids,' said Charlene. 'Please, whatever happens, leave them out of it.'

'They are old enough,' said the centurion.

'They're fourteen and twelve!' said Jessica, outraged.

'Girls have been married at twelve and mothers at fourteen,' said the centurion. 'True, neither of them has yet the body of a woman, but we Romans are a violent and merciless people. We do not care.'

'I can't believe this,' Charlene said quietly, staring in blank despair at the centurion. 'I just can't believe it.'

'We are telling you,' said Jessica, 'not to touch them. If you do, I swear…'

'There's nothing you can do to them, Jessica,' said Eden.

'Charlene!' said Conchita, tugging on Charlene's sleeve. 'Let's run.'

Charlene turned to look at her. 'Where?'

'There.' She was pointing to a vast area of woodland that none of them had yet noticed.

'All right,' said Charlene, thinking quickly. 'Go now. You too, Eden - run!'

Both girls hung back for a moment, not wanting to abandon their comrades, but a slight push from Charlene and Jessica respectively was all it took to get them moving. They ran as fast as they could towards the trees, and the Romans made no move to follow them.

'Okay.' Charlene turned to Jessica. 'Now what?'

'Are you kidding?' said Jessica. 'I am not about to be gang raped by a bunch of Romans! As soon as they get to the trees…'

The Romans were advancing, but slowly. The two terrified women took a few steps back when they got within an arm's reach. Then, in the distance, Eden and Conchita disappeared among the trees. Charlene and Jessica turned and ran as fast as they could.

.-.-.

It was agreed between Winston, Peter and Eduardo that at least two people should stay with the chess set at all times, just in case it tried anything. Then none of them made a move to go anywhere. They all stared at the elaborately carved pieces, trying to fathom what could possibly have happened, and desperately wishing for a solution.

'So,' Eduardo said at length, 'have you guys ever seen anything like this before?'

'We've seen ancient artefacts do a ton of crazy shit,' said Peter. 'You know, like genies and stuff. But they never made people disappear for no reason… I don't think.'

'Okay.' Kylie appeared in the doorway, weighed down by an armful of heavy books. Finding no room to dump them on the table, she crouched down and let them fall to the floor. 'This Iceni queen person is actually _really_ famous in some circles. But it says here she's called Boadicea, not Boudicca.'

'Oh, sorry, I forgot,' said Eduardo. 'That British kid said her name was mistranslated or something, and they only found that out sometime between his mom going to school and him going.'

'Very recently, then,' said Kylie, opening the first book she picked up. 'Way after these were written. But never mind, babe, I found her easily enough. I'll warn you guys now, these books don't tell us anything about why a chess set depicting the Iceni tribe would want to make girls and young women disappear. But maybe it'll be handy to know some of this anyway, once we _do_ find out what's happened. Boadicea - sorry - Boudicca rebelled against the Romans around sixty AD. Until then, her tribe inhabited what is now known as Norfolk. And I don't mean Norfolk, Virginia, before anyone says it.'

'I know all about Norfolk, England,' said Peter. 'Well… I know a little about it. Lars Wallance is doing his degree there. But that's not relevant.'

'Probably not,' said Kylie. 'But if you know anything about this Norfolk place, it could come in handy - you never know. The dispute with the Romans arose after the Iceni King Prasutagus died, leaving his kingdom jointly to the Romans, with whom he was allied, and to his wife and two daughters. But the Romans ignored the request. It was standard practice for them to allow allied kingdoms independence only until their current king died, besides which, Roman law only allowed inheritance through the male line. So they confiscated the tribe's lands, and Boudicca was flogged and her daughters raped.'

'Oh my God!' said Winston.

'There are Romans in this chess set too!' said Peter.

'I know,' said Kylie, who had been telling herself over and over again that the Romans were civilised enough not to assault underage girls, and now began to feel bad for not worrying more about those over eighteen. 'But let's not assume the worst. We don't have any idea what's going on. Anyway, Boudicca's daughters may have been involved in a political dispute with the Romans, but ours aren't.'

.-.-.

'Here you guys are,' said Jessica, hauling herself onto a thick, well concealed branch high in the oak tree where Eden and Conchita were sitting. 'I found a big stick, look.' She held up a thick piece of wood, about two-thirds her own, quite considerable, height. 'It might be useful for hitting people.'

'Like a hundred Romans?' Eden asked dryly.

'Hey,' said Jessica, 'it's better than nothing. I found them, Char, they're up here!'

'Should you be shouting like that?' asked Conchita.

'Maybe not,' said Jessica. 'But here's the thing. Those Romans didn't follow us. We got into the woods, and I picked up this stick, and I was ready to beat the crap out of as many as I could, and they weren't even there.'

'Careful, Jess,' said Charlene, as she joined them in the tree. 'You almost sound disappointed.'

'I am _not_ disappointed,' said Jessica. 'I've never been so terrified in my life.'

'Hey,' said Conchita. 'Thanks for… you know.'

'Forget it,' said Charlene.

'I guess Rose really isn't here,' said Conchita, standing up and taking a good look at the view. 'I sure hope not. If she met those Romans… I can't even think about it!'

'Don't worry, Chita,' said Eden. 'If Rose were here, she'd be with us, surely.'

'What can you see out there?' asked Jessica.

'Country,' said Conchita. 'Miles and miles of grass and trees and stuff. It's all flat, so I can see a long way. Oh, and I can see the ocean.'

'It's probably a sea,' said Jessica. 'Those Romans sounded English to me, and if we're in England, their only ocean is on the west coast. We might just as well be on the west coast as any other, of course, but it's more likely to be a sea. That's maths - uh - math.'

'I don't see any reason to assume we _are_ in England,' said Eden, 'no matter _what_ the Romans sounded like.'

'Everyone was saying it was an Ancient British tribe,' said Conchita, sitting down again. 'So maybe this _is_ England.'

'It could be Scotland or Wales,' said Jessica. 'Britain doesn't necessarily mean England, and don't let Hayden hear you say it does - it's about the one thing that makes him really mad. But I said the Romans sounded English, didn't I? Well, I stand by it.'

'So, what,' said Charlene, 'are we back in time or something?'

'I don't think so,' said Eden. 'Those Romans didn't even seem real to me, not least because they spoke English, and a modern form of English too. Even Hayden's ancient queen wouldn't have spoken like that. Anyway, as Jessica said, the Romans spoke Latin. So I don't believe we're back in time, ergo, we can't really be in England, or anywhere else that exists on the physical plain.'

'Hey, Charlene,' said Jessica. 'Maybe it's the Digital World. We're the new DigiDestined.'

'Oh man,' said Charlene, smiling at the thought. 'Imagine Eric's face if we told him that. So where are the Digimon?'

'Maybe the Romans were Digimon.'

'Yeah, had to be. I wonder what they Digivolve into.'

Jessica and Charlene, relieved to be out of danger for the time being, began chuckling at their own lame joke.

'So where are our Digivices?' asked Charlene.

'Screw that - where are our Digimon?' said Jessica. 'I bet Chita gets a pink one.'

'What are you guys talking about?' asked Conchita.

'Oh God,' said Jessica. 'There it was, Char. We're old.'

'Perhaps we should try to figure out where we really are,' said Eden. 'Somehow I don't think it's anywhere you two saw in a cartoon ten years ago.'

'No, Eden, sorry, Eden,' said Jessica.

'What else was wrong with the Romans, Edie?' asked Conchita. 'You said they didn't seem real to you. It wasn't just the language thing, was it?'

'No,' said Eden. 'It was what that centurion was saying. He called his own race savage and brutal and oppressive, and things like that, but the Romans didn't think of themselves that way. They believed they were a superior race, and they saw nothing wrong in killing and enslaving and generally oppressing other races. _Any_ other races. Did you know that the term "barbarian" originally referred to any race that wasn't Roman? It was because the Romans said that any language which wasn't Latin just sounded like "bar-bar-bar" to them.'

'Thanks for the fun fact, Spengs,' said Jessica. 'That's really going to help us out.'

'The Romans sound like jerks to me,' said Conchita.

'In many ways they were,' said Eden, 'but arguably no more so than any other culture that found itself to be intellectually and technologically in advance of its contemporaries. And besides, they wouldn't talk about themselves that way. Of course, one mustn't generalise. There may have been some self-hating Romans, but somehow I don't think they would have been leading entire legions and attempting to assault young girls. No, I'm sure I don't believe those were real Romans.'

'Then what were they?' asked Conchita.

'Digimon,' said Jessica.

Eden took a moment to give her a contemptuous look. Then she turned to Conchita, and said, 'I don't know. At the moment, I'm more interested in how far our parents have got in trying to retrieve us. We have to assume they're trying.'

'Of course they are,' said Charlene.

'I wonder if there's anything we can do to help them,' said Eden. 'We've already moved a few hundred yards from where we started, and we don't know whether that might make things harder for them. I suppose it's unlikely. We're in a world so far beyond our understanding, I should think we might as well be up this tree as standing on the grass over there.'

'We're not _staying_ up this tree, are we?' asked Jessica.

'I kind of like it up here,' said Conchita. 'There's no Romans, for one thing.'

Jessica scowled. 'I am _not_ going to sit up in a tree and wait to be rescued like some Disney princess from the fifties. I'm going to take my stick, I'm going to find out what the hell is going on, and then I'm going to get _out of here_!'

So saying, Jessica threw her stick to the ground and began to climb down after it. The other three exchanged a wearied look, and then descended the tree themselves.

'If I'd known we were coming,' said Eden, as she neared the ground, 'I would have worn pants.'

'I'd have tied my hair back,' said Jessica, pulling leaves and twigs from her untidy mass of curls.

'What do we do now, Jess?' asked Conchita.

Jessica looked at her. 'Why are you asking me?'

'Well, you seemed to know what you wanted to do a minute ago.'

'Okay,' said Jessica, 'well, first off, everybody grab a stick. If any Romans come near you, go for the parts that aren't protected.'

'Mainly the elbows and the knees,' said Eden, picking up the biggest stick she could see that wasn't too heavy for her to manage. 'Somehow I don't think I could break a man's kneecaps, no matter _how_ big a stick I was wielding.'

'Me neither,' said Conchita.

'The main thing is to try,' said Jessica. 'We're none of us getting raped without a fight.'

'Now what?' asked Eden, once they were all armed with their choice of stick.

'I think we should keep moving,' said Jessica. 'You never know - we may find a magic portal or something that'll take us home to our mommies and daddies.'

'What if we left something behind?' asked Conchita.

'What do you mean?' asked Eden.

'You know,' Conchita said, 'like a trail of breadcrumbs. Just in case we need to find our way back here, or in case there's any chance it'll help our parents find us.'

'Sounds like a good plan to me,' said Charlene. 'We could take turns to leave something behind every few hundred yards or so. I mean, what do we have to lose?'

'Just our stuff,' said Jessica. 'All right, Chita, it was your idea, so you'd better leave something first.'

'Okay,' said Conchita. Then she looked down at herself. 'What do I have?'

'How about that thing in your hair?' said Jessica.

'Oh, right, my scrunchy.'

'Yeah, that's what Amber and her friends used to call them. Stupid word.'

'There,' said Conchita, as she pulled out the large, pink and fussy scrunchy that held her ponytail in place. 'Now we both have loose hair, Jess. You're not alone.' She looped the scrunchy over the end of a low branch.

'All right,' said Charlene. 'Does everybody have their stick? Okay, good. Now, Chita, you're the only one who had a good look at what's all around us. Where should we go from here?'

'It might have changed,' said Eden. 'I'm sure this wood wasn't here when we arrived.'

'Let's head for the ocean,' said Conchita. 'Or the sea, whichever it is. It was that way.' She pointed. 'It didn't look like far. If it's still there, we should be able to hear it soon, and we can follow the sound. It seems like the best way of keeping track of where we are. In every other direction, it's just miles and miles of green.'

'Okay, good plan,' said Charlene. 'God knows what we'll do when we get there, but there's no point crossing bridges before we come to them. Lead the way, Chita.'

Conchita led them out of the wood, and as soon as they were clear of the trees, they all saw sea on the horizon.

'I'm sure it wasn't that close,' said Conchita.

'If it was, we would have seen it before,' said Eden. 'But we didn't.'

'Never mind, Edie,' said Charlene. 'Let's just all keep our eyes on it and hope it doesn't disappear.'

They set off

'So, Jessica,' said Conchita, once they had gone a hundred yards or so. 'You're the expert on England. Where might this be, if it's a real place?'

'I don't know,' said Jessica. 'It could be anywhere. It's probably somewhere I've never even heard of.'

'Oh, come on, just for fun.'

'Fun?' Jessica gave her an odd look. 'All right, well… if that _is_ an ocean rather than a sea, the only place on the west coast I know is Cornwall. I'm told that's where British people go to surf. Brighton's on the south coast - that's where Hayden goes to school when he isn't here… in New York, I mean - but I don't think we're there, because it's hilly, and this place is totally flat. He told me about a place on the coast in the north-east, called Whitby, which has all these cool legends and stuff, and part of _Dracula_ is set there, but that's hilly too. This could be Norfolk, I guess. That's supposed to be flat, and some of it's on the east coast. Hayden's brother just started going to school there, in Norwich, which is the one and only city in Norfolk. I _think_ I've got that right.'

'If Norwich is a city in Norfolk,' said Conchita, 'then what's Norfolk? England doesn't have states - even I know that.'

'It's a county,' said Jessica. 'Some of those places I mentioned are towns and cities, and some are counties. Please don't ask me to explain any more than that.'

'Maybe it's time we left something else behind,' said Eden. 'Those woods look an awfully long way back now.'

'Okay, great,' said Jessica. 'Your turn, Edie.'

'Eden doesn't seem to be carrying much, Jess,' said Charlene. 'I think we should leave your iPhone, which I happen to know you're carrying. After all, it's much less useful here than Chita's scrunchy. Look, her hair's getting blown all over the place.'

'Oh, poor baby,' said Jessica, whose naturally wild hair was getting rather more tangled in the wind than Conchita's silky, straight tresses. 'God forbid that she break a nail too.'

Conchita looked steadily at Jessica for a moment. Then she said, 'We can't use your iPhone here, Jessica. Don't worry, though. If you lose it, Daddy'll buy you a new one.'

'Just hold on a minute there, princess,' said Jessica. '_You__'__re_ making Daddy jibes at _me_?'

Conchita opened her mouth to reply. Then she closed it again, shut her eyes and started muttering something to herself. Some of it sounded like Spanish, and some of it English, such as the phrase 'smooth handle'.

'You guys,' said Charlene. 'We'll have to talk about this later. Right now, we got more Romans to deal with.'

'Oh no!' Conchita opened her eyes, tightened her grip on her stick and ducked behind Charlene. 'Where? How many?'

'Just two,' said Charlene. 'There, look.'

'Well,' said Eden, 'this might not be _so_ bad. Look. One of them isn't even a man.'

.-.-.

When Roland went to check on Kaila's progress, he found her with a fair sized list of names and numbers. She was on the phone, just finishing up a conversation with a word of thanks, and, 'Sorry again for calling so late.'

'Was that Barbara Connell?' asked Roland.

'Barbara Connell?' said Kaila. 'I finished with her twenty minutes ago. She said she didn't know anything about the chess set making people disappear, but she gave me the name and number of the guy who sold it to her, and then he sent me to the guy who had it before him. So now I guess I'm trying to trace it back to its last living owner. It may well be there's no one alive today who knows anything about it, but I figure it's worth a shot. How about you and Egon? You found anything out yet?'

'Egon's working on a theory,' said Roland. 'He hasn't said any more than that yet, and I don't like to ask. You seem to be making good progress, though. It could really help us if you found something out about that chess set's history. I'd better leave you to it.'

He turned to make his way back to Egon, and almost collided with Eduardo and Kylie, who were running towards him.

'Look at this.' Kylie held out something small, made of pink fabric. 'This just appeared in the middle of the chessboard when no one was looking.'

'Really?' said Roland. 'What is it?'

'Chita was wearing it,' said Eduardo.

'She was?' Kaila stopped in the middle of dialling, and peered around Roland to look at Conchita's scrunchy. 'Well, that's got to be good news, hasn't it?'

'Maybe,' said Kylie. 'I hope she left it on purpose, to try and give us a clue or something. If she didn't, then goodness knows what's happened. Still, I can't imagine a really terrible situation where she'd lose her scrunchy and nothing else.'

'I'll show it to Egon,' said Roland, holding out his hand for the scrunchy. Kylie gave it to him, a little reluctantly.

'If Chita somehow sent that back here,' said Eduardo, 'then doesn't that mean she can come back here herself?'

'Not easily,' said Kaila, 'or she'd have done it. They all would. But it _is_ encouraging. They might be able to find a way, and if they can't, we will. Okay, this isn't a US phone number. I'm going to have to find out what country it is, and then dial out.'

'She's tracing the history of the chess set,' said Roland.

'Good,' said Kylie. 'We've been researching Roman Britain circa sixty AD, and now we have Chita's scrunchy to show Egon. With any luck, some of this will actually end up doing us some good.'

.-.-.

'Stay back!' said Jessica, brandishing her stick. 'We're armed!'

'So I see,' said the male half of the Roman couple. The woman held onto his elbow and stared at the quartet before her with large, stupid eyes. 'I had better not attack you, then.'

'Who are you?' asked Eden.

'My name is Gaius Suetonius Paulinus,' said the man. 'I am governor to the Emperor Nero. I make sure that all is in order in this small but significant corner of his empire.'

'Which is where, exactly?' asked Charlene, pleased to learn that this character was willing to answer questions.

'East Anglia, of course,' said Paulinus.

'Hey, that's Norfolk!' said Jessica. 'I was right! Unbelievable.'

'We're in England, Mr Paulinus?' said Eden. 'Do you mean that, to the best of your knowledge, we are standing on actual English land?'

'Certainly. Are you mad, girl, or just stupid? Well, it doesn't much matter to me. All barbarians are lower than the maggots that feed on the excrement of dogs.'

'Nice,' said Jessica. 'What about your girlfriend? Does she say anything?'

'She is but a woman,' said Paulinus. 'Her sole purpose is to bear sons.'

'I might pummel you anyway in a minute,' said Jessica.

'Remember historical context, Jessica,' said Eden. 'Mind you, that does seem an odd thing to say. I'm sure Roman men weren't quite _that_ condescending of their women.'

'How do you know anything about it?' said Paulinus. 'You are not from our time.'

Charlene raised her eyebrows. 'Yeah? You know much about that?'

'Perhaps,' said Paulinus.

'What are we doing here?' Jessica demanded.

'How do we get back?' asked Conchita.

'You do not want to leave, little one,' said Paulinus. 'There is something here that you would very much regret leaving behind, I think.'

Conchita's eyes widened in alarm. 'What do you mean?'

'Are you talking about her scrunchy?' Jessica asked suspiciously.

'I know not this scrunchy of which you speak. Whither bound, barbarian maids?'

'Like we'd tell you,' said Jessica. 'You Romans are all a bunch of jerks, as far as I can see.'

'Jessica…' Charlene said, quietly and despairingly.

'So we are,' said Paulinus.

'This again!' said Eden. 'You Romans are so self-critical!'

'Indeed we are not, child. We consider ourselves the finest race in the world, and so it must be, for we have conquered many lands. In fact, I may see about getting up an army to brutalise the four of you. A little later, perhaps. But for now, farewell.'

'That's another thing,' Eden said quietly, as Paulinus put his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and led her away. 'They make threats, these Romans, and then don't seem to act on them.'

'Good,' said Charlene. 'Let's hope they don't start.'

'What did he mean about something I don't want to leave behind?' asked Conchita.

'He was probably just messing with you,' said Jessica.

'But what if he wasn't?'

'If he wasn't,' said Charlene, 'then we'll figure it out and deal with it. Don't worry.'

'I _am_ worried,' said Conchita. 'Aren't we all worried? I think we should be!'

'Oh, would you look at that?' said Eden. 'The coast is miles away all of a sudden!'

Charlene, Jessica and Conchita all followed her gaze, to where the sea was now a thin line of blue on the distant horizon. Then a sudden sound turned all of their heads, as if of an animal shaking itself and making an odd, throaty noise. As it happened, this turned out to be exactly what the sound was.

'You have got to be kidding me,' said Jessica, when she found herself looking at four sturdily built horses. They stood side by side, a white stallion on the right, then a grey and a chestnut coloured mare, and finally a black stallion on the left.

'Hello!' Conchita seemed to forget about her deep-set anxiety, and made a beeline for the horse closest to her height, which happened to be the chestnut mare. 'Aren't you a pretty girl?' She reached up and patted the horse's nose. 'Yes you are!'

'Well,' said Charlene, 'what do we make of this? Clearly, someone or something wants us to ride these horses to the beach. That's so weird!'

'We're from New York,' Eden said, her voice heavy with disapproval.

'Uncle Alf put me on a horse once,' said Jessica. 'Oscar got a nice, good-tempered one and had a great time on the horrible thing. I didn't like mine, though. By far my least favourite thing I've had between my legs.'

'Jessica, must you?' said Eden.

'Sorry, Spengs,' Jessica said at once. 'I don't know what made me say that.'

'I do,' said Charlene. 'I was right before, wasn't I? You're on a promise.'

Jessica frowned at her, crossing her arms. 'How is that any of your business?'

'Well, because first of all it was making you be grouchy and mean to poor Chita, and now it's making you smutty.'

'When was I mean to Chita?'

'When we wanted you to leave behind your iPhone. Speaking of which…'

'I don't want to,' said Jessica.

'Does it really matter _so_ much if you lose it?' asked Eden.

'That's not what I'm worried about,' Jessica said. 'I'm just afraid that someone might call - and before anyone says anything, I _know_ they can't call me here. But if by any chance it ends up back home…'

'You mean you're worried your dad will see it?' asked Charlene, unable to keep from smiling slightly. In this frightening and perhaps hopeless situation, here was something reassuringly familiar.

Conchita turned round, still with her hands on the mare's nose and neck, saying, 'I didn't think you kept secrets from your dad.'

'All self-respecting girls keep secrets from their dads,' said Jessica. 'Look, it's not a big deal, okay? I just… don't want people knowing who calls me in the middle of the night.'

'Is it someone special?' asked Conchita.

'Are you kidding?' said Jessica. 'There's no such thing.'

'Jess, don't tell her that!' said Charlene.

'It's okay, Charlene,' said Conchita. 'I don't believe everything Jessica says.'

'If he isn't special,' said Eden, 'then why are you so upset? You can see him any time, but right now we need you to work with us.'

'Hey,' said Jessica. 'Who suggested we arm ourselves with big sticks? Who identified Norfolk? Okay, I admit that hasn't been fantastically helpful, but don't you try and tell me my head's not in the game.' She paused, then said, 'But look, if you're expecting me to teach you all how to horseback ride, I really can't. It was a long time ago, and the horse hated me even more than I hated it. Anyway, who says we can trust these things? Someone might have sent them to bring us to the Roman public baths or something.'

'All I was saying,' Eden said timidly, 'is that maybe you could forget about… whatever it is you want to do with this person… and try to be a little bit nicer.'

'Were you?' said Jessica, and for a moment she thought about getting angry, then decided not to. 'All right, I'm sorry if I haven't been nice. I'll try harder.'

'Well, good,' said Charlene. 'Thank you, Jess.'

'What do we do about the horses?' asked Conchita, who had moved along, and was now fondling the black stallion. 'What a good boy! You're a _beautiful_ boy, aren't you!'

'I don't trust them,' said Jessica.

'Besides which,' said Eden, 'we don't have the necessary skills to ride them.'

'Oh,' said Conchita. 'That's weird.'

'What's weird?' asked Charlene.

'They're all harnessed to something. Those weren't there a moment ago.'

'Chariots,' said Eden, leaning sideways to peer around the horses' bodies.

'We're not chariot drivers either!' Jessica said irritably.

'Look.' Charlene nodded to the horizon. 'The coast is much closer now.'

'Well,' said Eden, 'someone certainly seems to approve of our plan to get there.'

'Right,' said Charlene. 'So does that mean we're going the right way, or the wrong way?'

.-.-.

Janosz Poha, Dana's boss of some twenty-five years ago, was only too happy to help when the anxious party of three arrived at his art museum waving digital cameras and talking frantically about missing girls.

'Let me get this right,' Janosz said, once they were all furnished with coffee - or, in John's case, Pepsi - and sitting round a four-seater table in the museum café. He looked from Dana to Janine, and then back again. 'This chess set has stolen your daughters, yes?'

'Yes,' said Dana. 'Ours, and some other people's too. Five girls have just disappeared into thin air, and we're sure this chess set is responsible. We don't expect you to know anything about why or how this has happened, of course, but if you can maybe just tell us something about when the chess sight might have been made, or why…'

'It's very difficult to say,' said Janosz, squinting at one of the photographs.

'Sorry we couldn't bring the original,' said John.

'No, no, I understand,' said Janosz. 'You do not want to move it while it has your sister captive. It's all right. I can see well enough, but it is not like anything I've seen before. The style of sculpture is Renaissance more than anything. It has almost the detail of a Michelangelo, but of course, he was the best of his kind, so this is not so well done. The sculptor does have skill, however, I must say. But it is carved from wood. This was not a popular material at that time - not for figures. Renaissance sculpture is marble and bronze, as I believe you know, Dana. There was a small circle of limewood sculptors in Germany, but they never made anything like this, and anyhow, it is not either one of the two sides made from limewood. But then, of course, these aren't only works of art. Wood is an odd material enough for Renaissance figure sculpture, but a chess set?'

'I thought of that,' said John. 'Why not use ebony and ivory, like everyone else?'

'Perhaps they had these materials to hand,' said Janosz. 'This was made from European trees. Oak and pine, I think, and we have here the Romans, who were so active in Europe all those years. So, we can deduce that someone quite deliberately made this chess set from materials that were not popular, either in sculpture or in chess, but easy to acquire. It may be that the sculptor went on to make a name for himself, but I couldn't say. Oh, I do not try to be sexist. I say "himself" because, if it were a woman, then certainly she would not have been allowed to pursue a profession in art _or _in games manufacture. Such was the way.'

'Never mind that,' said Janine. 'What else can you tell us? Any more specific time frame than just "Renaissance"? That lasted… what, like three centuries?'

'Of course I cannot be sure,' Janosz, 'but I'd say late Renaissance, if Renaissance at all. It was made during or after that time, I think. Not before, though before is when wood was most used in sculpture. But never so detailed and precise. Perhaps the piece was influenced, or even created, by the Pre-Raphaelites.'

'Late nineteenth-century England,' said Dana. 'Right, Janosz?'

Janosz nodded approvingly. 'Very good, Dana.' He looked at Janine and John. 'These were men who wanted to steer away from movements such as impressionism and take art back to its purest form, which was before the work of Raphael, so they said. Certainly it was he who first suggested that art does not need to be a perfect imitation of true life, as the Renaissance had at first set out to achieve. But you know, they said that Michelangelo had reached this goal, so someone had to think of something else to do. Raphael wanted beauty greater than life, which your chess set is not, I think. The likenesses very much for me hold true to life, and the faces are not all so very pretty. Ah, it was a grave error in _Ghostbusters Two_ for Dr Spengler to say that Raphael was early Renaissance - always that troubles me. I am sure he did not say anything so ignorant at the true event. But I am straying from the point.'

'So what _is_ the point?' asked Janine. 'That the chess set's so unusual you can't be sure who made it, or when, or why, or _anything_?'

'I am afraid so,' said Janosz. 'I have my ideas, which I have told to you, but there is no being sure.'

'Well,' said Dana, 'what you've told us might be useful. It seems like we can be pretty sure someone went to a lot of trouble to make the thing, and for a reason other than to show off their skills as a sculptor, or to give someone a nice gift.'

'I think so,' said Janosz. 'A thing so exquisite would not have been gifted to an ordinary person, but anyone noble would not enjoy a chess set made of oak and pine. There is some purpose to it that I cannot imagine.'

'Well,' said John, 'we know it steals young women and girls. It's probably best _not_ to try and imagine why.'

'Maybe it wants older women too,' said Janine. 'Or maybe boys and men, or _anyone_. We don't know. Those five were the only ones who were alone with the thing, weren't they?'

'We'd better get back and tell the others what we've found out,' said Dana, rising to her feet. 'Thank you, Janosz.'

.-.-.

'Does anyone recognise this?' asked Winston, picking up the latest item to appear on the chessboard.

Peter, Eduardo and Kylie all had a good look at the small, black band. Then Kylie said, 'Yes, that's Rosy's hair thing.'

'They've got to be leaving them on purpose, haven't they?' Peter asked hopefully.

'Well,' said Kylie, 'they wouldn't be taking them out for no reason. Having your hair tied back does make things easier.'

No one quite knew what to say to this. Then, moments later, a loud thud attracted their attention. They turned back to the chessboard, and saw that a small pair of black sneakers had appeared there.

'Those are Rose's shoes!' said Eduardo, horrified. 'Why would she take off her shoes? Her hair band, okay, but both her shoes?'

'Her socks are here too,' said Winston, taking a closer look.

Kylie went to the chessboard and gathered up the precious objects in her arms. She and Eduardo exchanged a look, half afraid the rest of Rose's clothes would appear, and stared at the chessboard for a good thirty seconds. Nothing happened.

'They made a sound,' said Winston. 'Like they dropped from the sky or something. I wonder what that means.'

'Maybe it means we have to be ready to catch them if they do come back,' said Peter, not liking that thought at all. Then, as if to reassure him, something else appeared with a light thud. 'Oh, look, Jessica's iPhone.' He picked it up. 'It doesn't seem to be damaged.'

'Does it still work?' asked Kylie.

'It's switched off,' said Peter. 'She never has it switched off, but if they're in some kind of demon dimension, I guess that would do it.'

He switched on the iPhone, satisfied himself that it was working, and then switched it off again.

'If anyone calls her in the middle of the night,' he said, 'I don't want to know about it.'

.-.-.

When Eduardo and Peter appeared in the foyer with their daughters' belongings, Kaila was still on the phone, this time frantically scribbling down notes with a look of intense concentration.

'That's incredible!' she was saying. 'Who did you say told you this? … Well, if he was right, that could really help us out. Thank you _so_ much! And it was in your family since…?' She wrote down a date. 'Hey, you don't have to explain yourself to me. That's all I wanted to know. Thanks. And really, _really _sorry to call you in the small hours of the morning… Well, that's very kind of you. Bye!' She hung up, then looked at Peter and Eduardo. 'The guy didn't want me to think badly of him for selling a family heirloom. Like I care - I don't even know him!'

'He's well rid of it,' said Peter.

'Too true,' said Kaila.

'So,' said Eduardo, 'you found out something useful?'

'Yes, I did. I think. What's all that?'

'Jessica's iPhone,' said Peter, 'and Rose's shoes, socks and hair band.'

'Why would she take off all of that?' asked Kaila, astonished.

Eduardo shook his head helplessly, just as Egon and Roland appeared, the former wearing Conchita's scrunchy on his wrist and carrying an armful of computer print-outs.

'More of their stuff?' asked Roland.

'Yes,' said Eduardo. 'Mostly stuff Rose was wearing. I'm freaking out about it, to tell you the truth, and I think Kylie is too.'

'Well,' said Egon, 'try to look on the bright side. The fact that those things have found their way back here is a good sign. It means there must be a relatively simple way for our daughters to come back to us, if only we can find it.'

'I've got something, Egon,' said Kaila. 'It's a legend about the chess set, and after what it's done tonight, I can't believe this isn't true.'

'Excellent,' said Egon. 'I shall be fascinated to hear it. We all will. Is the museum party back yet?'

'Yes,' said Peter, just as Janine's car pulled in some yards away from them and Dana, John and Janine got out. 'Look, honey. Jessica left us her iPhone to help us find her.'

'_Does_ it help?' Dana asked, snatching the phone from Peter's hand and staring at it with wide, frightened eyes.

'Indirectly,' said Egon, 'it might. Did you learn anything at the museum?'

'Not much,' said Dana, 'but I'll tell you what Janosz told us. Who's missing? Kylie and Winston. Anyone else?'

'No,' said Eduardo. 'They're upstairs with the chess.'

'Then I suggest we join them,' said Egon, and they all trooped upstairs, where they found Slimer coping with the situation by going over the living room with a feather duster.

'That's kind of you, Slimer,' said Egon. 'And very helpful. We want them to come back to a nice, clean firehouse, don't we?'

Slimer stopped what he was doing, looked at the party with big, soulful eyes and babbled something that sounded like a question.

'We're doing as well as can be reasonably be expected of us,' said Egon. 'I am beginning to formulate a theory, and I'm hopeful that any information anybody else has will support it, if not clarify a few things.'

Slimer made a noise of encouragement, then went back to his dusting. Egon, Peter, Roland, Eduardo, Dana, Janine, John and Kaila all made their way into the kitchen and began to discuss, with Winston and Kylie, what they had learned.

.-.-.

'Another thing about these Romans,' said Jessica, as they walked over thinning grass and onto a patch of pebbly earth. 'Aren't they way too tall?'

'Are they?' asked Conchita, sounding quite astonished by this idea.

'People were shorter in the old days,' said Jessica. 'You might learn that in school one of these days. Ask Hayden about the tiny eleventh-century church door next time you see him.'

'Eleventh?' said Eden. 'That was long after the Roman Empire. You're right, Jessica. If we are to believe that humans really have been getting taller over the centuries, then the people we've met here should be very small indeed. But on the other hand, we really mustn't treat any of this as part of our own world.'

'Okay,' said Charlene, fighting to keep her hair out of her mouth, as she too had left behind her hair band some two hundred yards back. 'I'll ask _my_ question. These Romans are sexist enough, but they don't seem to have anything against black people. I thought maybe they would. Was that very wrong of me?'

'Not very,' said Eden, 'given human history, but as far as anyone seems to know, the Romans didn't seem to distinguish by colour. I believe there were some black people they held in quite high esteem, in fact, while any who could not be considered Roman were no more looked down upon than any other barbarians. So we're all equal in their eyes.'

'Right,' said Charlene. 'All equally despised.'

'Maybe things are about to get better,' Conchita said brightly, as they moved downhill and the earth gave way to golden sand. 'This is a really nice beach. Of course, I'd rather be going home.'

'We all would,' said Jessica. 'I knew this would happen. We've gotten to the coast, and now we don't know _what_ to do.' She looked at Eden. 'Do we?'

'We haven't the slightest idea,' said Eden.

'We'd better try and find out why we're here,' said Charlene. 'Maybe there's something we can do to get us out of here, like… I don't know!'

'Someone seemed to want us to come to the beach,' Conchita reminded them. 'I was kind of hoping that when we got here, there'd be -'

'CHITA!'

Conchita whipped round at the sound of her name, the voice that called her carried almost clean away by the wind, but in spite of this she knew it at once. A small, dark figure was running barefoot over the sand.

'Rose!' Conchita was overcome with alarm and confusion as her little sister barrelled into her. 'What are you doing here? Why weren't you with us all the time? What's happened to you? Did you meet any Romans? Did they do anything to you?' Then she gasped, and exclaimed in tones of sheer horror, '_Maria Madre de Dios_, someone did your hair!'

'How about that?' said Jessica, to Charlene and Eden. 'We found her breaking point.'

'I'm sorry, Chita,' said Rose, her arms clamped firmly around her sister's waist and her face buried in her chest, muffling her words. 'You can have as many sleepovers as you want. I was going to say _horrible_ things to you! I wish I'd never even thought them!'

'Don't worry about that,' said Conchita, gently prying Rose's tear-streaked face away from her sweater. 'Rosy, you have to tell me what's been happening. Has anyone hurt you?'

Sniffing, Rose shook her head.

'Has anyone _tried_ to hurt you?'

'No,' said Rose. 'I've only met one person, and she's actually been really nice to me. She braided my hair, and then she made me take off my shoes and socks and go paddling in the sea with her, and now they've disappeared.'

'What's disappeared?' asked Eden.

'My shoes and socks,' said Rose. 'But Chita, she's _crazy_! She thinks I'm her daughter, and she keeps calling me something weird.'

'Deorwynn!'

The voice was full, resonating and fairly deep, but unmistakably female. The five girls looked up, for the word had apparently been spoken above them. Standing on the hill from which all but Rose had just descended was a tall, broad and buxom woman with tawny hair that fell below her waist. She wore a long, loose dress woven in several dull colours, and a thick cloak fastened with a brooch. The cloak, the dress and the long, wild hair all billowed impressively in the wind.

'Deorwynn,' she said again, more gently this time. 'Your sisters have arrived.'

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

_Ghostbusters: _**The Queen****'****s Revenge**

Chapter 3

'So, this legend,' said Kaila, once they were all squashed round the kitchen table. She had found Charlene's hair band some minutes before, and was twisting it between her fingers. 'It says that Boudicca was buried underneath the very oak tree that made half this chess set. It was in some field near where some people say her last battle was, although no one seems to know _exactly _where that was, but anyway - one day some idiot decided to cut the tree down and get this thing carved from it.' She nodded at the chess set. 'No one seems to know why, but you have to assume he knew what the tree was - or was said to be - because why have it made into an Iceni chess set otherwise?'

'That fits in with what we heard,' said Dana. 'This thing was purpose built, Janosz said, and there was some reason why they used oak and pine rather than ebony and ivory. We thought it was probably just for convenience, but I guess not, if whoever made this really knew the tree was from Boudicca's grave.'

'What about the pine pieces?' asked Kylie. 'They're not from the Roman governor's grave or anything like that, are they?'

'I don't know,' said Kaila.

'Unlikely,' said Egon. 'Well… I suppose it's possible, but if that _is_ the case then it is almost certainly irrelevant. My readings indicate that only one spirit is inhabiting the chess set. I rather wish I hadn't bought it, to tell you the truth,' he added dolefully.

'You didn't know it was dangerous,' said Janine, reaching for his hand. 'Speaking of which, does any of this explain the sudden PKE activity?'

'Not at all,' said Egon. 'Something must have triggered that, but I don't know what.'

'Could it have been Hayden?' Peter asked slowly, not sounding at all sure of himself.

'Hayden?' Dana looked at him in astonishment. 'Honey, let's not blame him for this.'

'I'm not suggesting he did it on purpose,' said Peter. 'But he did come in here knowing all about Boudicca and her tribe and everything, and it seems like a pretty big coincidence. Anyway, what else could have done it?'

'I think you're right,' said Kylie. 'I guess he said her name, didn't he? We know how significant that can be. Maybe it - I don't know - awakened her spirit, or something.'

'Hmm… fascinating,' said Egon. 'You might be right about that.'

'But that doesn't make sense,' said Roland. 'Surely _someone_ recognised her likeness, _somewhere_ along the line. And even if they didn't, the guy who had the thing made knew all about her. So why would saying her name only wake her up now?'

'Almost everyone I talked to knew who she was,' said Kaila. 'Barbara Connell didn't know, but most of the others did, and they all called her Boadicea.'

'Of course!' said Kylie. 'That explains it! There was a mistranscription of her name, and no one realised until sometime after Hayden's mother learned about her in school. And she's your age, right?' She looked at Dana.

'Actually,' said Dana, 'she's ten years younger than me. Not that I hold it against her.'

'Okay,' said Kylie, 'so people would have been calling her Boadicea since before the tree was cut down, at least up until the guy who had this thing before Barbara Connell first heard the name.'

'Does anyone know when it was made, Kaila?' asked John, who did not like having his own line of enquiry still unresolved.

'They think late Renaissance,' said Kaila, 'but they're not sure.'

John looked disappointed.

'So it _is_ Hayden's fault,' said Peter. 'Don't anybody tell Jess - she'd kill him.'

'We have to get her back first,' said Eduardo, speaking for the first time, and with a great deal of passion. 'How does this help us get them out of there?'

'We have learned,' said Egon, 'that Queen Boudicca's spirit has awoken in that chess set, and decided - for whatever reason - to take our daughters and keep them with her. But all these appearing hair bands and things show us that objects from our world will not stay with her if she doesn't will it. In which case, we have to break her hold on our daughters.'

.-.-.

'I think I recognise you from the chess set,' said Eden. 'You're the black queen. Or perhaps I should say the _oak _queen, because the pieces are not black. Well, either way, you're Queen Boudicca, aren't you?'

'You know who I am, Saelufu.'

At this, Eden frowned. Her first thought was that this was not a pretty name compared to the one given to Rose. Then suddenly her knowledge of Celtic languages came to the fore, and she was dying to know whether the translation in her mind was the right one.

'Strength of the sea?' she said.

'Indeed,' said Boudicca. 'You do not look physically strong, my daughter, but perhaps you will grow to be so. In the meantime, you have extraordinary mental strength, which is why I have named you so.'

'Eden,' said Rose. 'What does the name she gave me mean?'

'Deorwynn,' said Eden, trying it first on her tongue, and then in her mind. 'Dear delight.'

'What a clever girl you are,' said Boudicca. 'I am very proud of you. All of you. Now, let us see about the rest. The wild-haired girl with the quick temper is Cwenhild.'

'You mean me?' said Jessica. 'That's a hideous name!'

'It means battle queen,' said Eden. 'I think it suits you, actually.'

'The dark-skinned one,' said Boudicca, looking at Charlene, 'is Eadgyth.'

'Prosperous in war,' said Eden.

Charlene and Jessica exchanged glances. Both of them, then, had names in this place - in this woman's delusion - relating to battle and war. It did not seem a good sign.

'What about me?' Conchita asked - a little too eagerly, Rose thought.

'You are Wynflaeth, my darling,' said Boudicca, smiling at Conchita as one might smile at a particularly cute kitten.

Conchita looked at Eden. 'Meaning…?'

'Fair,' said Eden, a little puzzled, as Conchita's colouring was dark.

'_Beautiful_ and fair,' said Boudicca.

Conchita beamed in a way that made Rose suddenly furious with her.

'Come, Deorwynn,' Boudicca went on, smiling warmly and holding out her hand to Rose. 'Let us tell your sisters what we have planned for them.'

'I don't want to,' said Rose, clinging to Conchita's sweater.

'Couldn't we just rest for a while?' Charlene asked, desperately trying to think of a way to get rid of Boudicca so they could talk, sure though she was that their conversation would be monitored anyway. After all, this woman already seemed to know at least something about each of them. 'We just got here.'

'We might like a dip in the sea,' said Eden. Then she added, 'Barefoot,' as though this particular detail was of paramount importance.

'Of course, my darlings,' said Boudicca, still smiling warmly. 'You do that, and I shall prepare something for you to eat.'

'Oh, fantastic!' said Jessica. 'I'm starving.'

'I am sure you are, Cwenhild.'

'So,' said Eden, as Boudicca began to walk away from them, towards some distant rocks. '_She_ speaks a modern form of English too. Fascinating.'

'Does that matter?' asked Charlene.

'Not at the moment, I suppose,' said Eden.

'Okay,' Charlene went on, 'so what do we do? Why were you talking about going for a dip just now?'

'If anyone wants to do that,' said Eden, 'then for goodness' sake, don't take everything off. Did your shoes and socks really disappear, Rose?'

Rose nodded mutely.

'Then they went back to our world. I'm sure of it. Something is holding us here, and if we abandon anything we happen to have brought, whatever that something is doesn't bother about it and it gets sent home. At least, I _hope _it gets sent home… to where it came from. If not, then this discovery is not the ray of hope I imagined.'

'You mean you think you can figure a way out of here?' asked Jessica.

'Maybe,' said Eden. 'I'll certainly try, and in the meantime, let's at least be grateful that we're not in the hands of the Romans. Hayden said some favourable things about this Boudicca person, didn't he?'

'Oh, sure,' said Jessica. 'He said she was brilliant.'

'She was smart?' said Charlene. 'So what? Why would that mean she's not going to do hideous things to us?'

'He didn't mean that kind of brilliant,' said Jessica. 'He meant she was awesome. Fantastic. Wonderful. The business. The bee's knees and the cat's pyjamas. _That_ kind of brilliant.'

'Yeah?' said Charlene. 'You understand Hayden pretty well, don't you?'

'I've just learned to understand British over the years,' said Jessica. 'That's all.'

'Oh, who _cares_ what that British guy says?' yelled Rose suddenly. 'He never knew her, and even if he did, only a psycho would say it's okay for her to kidnap us! I want to go home! We have to get out of here!'

'All right, Rosy, we will,' said Conchita, putting both her arms around her sister. 'Let's just stay calm, okay? Remember to look for the smooth handle.'

'Not the smooth handle again!' said Rose, wriggling out of Conchita's grip. 'That's fine for you, Chita. You're a Clover, not a Katy.'

'She's a what now?' said Jessica.

'She's a Meg, not a Jo,' said Rose. 'A Lisa, not a Bart. You get me? Smooth handles find _you_,' she finished, shooting the final pronoun at Conchita like a poisoned dart.

Conchita looked at her small, angry sister for a moment. Then she crossed her arms, raised her eyebrows and said, 'Is that so?'

'Oh, hey - come on, you two,' said Charlene. 'You guys _never_ fight!'

'That's not true,' Conchita said coolly. 'Rose fights all the time. I just don't fight back.'

'Fight back now, then,' said Rose. 'I want you to. It drives me nuts, you being so sweet and good and perfect all the time.'

'Is this really the time to be working out our personal demons?' Eden asked timidly.

'I'm not perfect,' said Conchita, 'but I'm not going to fight you, Rose. I'm going to look after you, because you're my little sister and I love you to pieces. Now, maybe we should go see what that Boudicca person wants to feed us. And then I'll fix your hair.'

'I'm just a doll to you,' said Rose, as she found herself being taken into a surprisingly firm grip and steered along the length of the beach. 'Aren't I? _Aren__'__t _I!'

'You're not just a doll, Rosy,' said Conchita. 'You're my _favourite_ doll,' and she squeezed her so hard that Rose lost any breath she might have used to reply.

'Having Rose with us may complicate things,' said Eden. 'She's only a child, poor thing, and she doesn't seem to be adapting to the situation as well as the rest of us.'

'Even worse than me,' said Jessica. 'Mind you, I can understand how all that crap about smooth handles would piss her off, especially if she gets it at home as well.'

'It's good advice, Jess,' said Charlene. 'Come on, we'd better follow them.'

.-.-.

'All we have to do is distract her,' said Egon. 'If we can make her stop concentrating on them… stop her holding them there, for just a moment… they should come back.'

'Then we might as well try and get her out of the chess set altogether,' said Roland.

'No,' said Egon. 'Not yet. To do that, we'd certainly have to attack it with a lot of proton fire, and we may have to destroy it by more conventional means as well, such as burning. I couldn't say what effect such actions might have on the set's prisoners, if any, so of course we can't risk it.'

'Then what _can_ we do?' asked Kaila.

'A _little_ proton would do it, Egon,' said Roland. 'It wouldn't just distract her, would it? It would weaken her too. Surely it's taking a lot out of her, keeping five people there. If we can weaken her even a little, that just might do it.'

'That sounds risky,' said Kylie. 'Do you have another idea, Egon?'

'I'm afraid not,' said Egon.

Roland was beginning to lose confidence in his ideas. Both of his suggestions so far had been pronounced too risky, and now he was terribly afraid of someone getting upset and suggesting that it was all right for him to have such wild notions when his own daughter was safe at home. He didn't want to have that thrown at him, but he did want to help his friends get their daughters back, and he seemed to be the only one who dared suggest the plan that the discussion had been leading to.

'Only a _little_ bit of proton wouldn't be a risk to them, Egon, surely,' he said. 'If we could rig something up to drip-feed a tiny little bit to some of those chess pieces, that ought to be enough to weaken her.'

'I don't know,' said Egon. 'If we're going to do that, the amount I'd feel comfortable using would be very small indeed.'

'No one wants to take an unnecessary risk, Egon,' said Dana. 'But what else can we do? It's the only plan we've got.'

As she said this, four pairs of shoes and socks suddenly appeared noisily among the chess pieces, knocking them everywhere. Eduardo picked up Conchita's pink-trimmed tennis shoe and stared at it, while Peter picked up Jessica's much bigger and manlier Nike and said sadly, 'It's so easy to get their shoes back.'

'Well,' said Roland, 'that supports my point. It must be hard work for her to keep them all there, or she wouldn't be careless enough to forget about their shoes. Hair accessories, okay, but not huge big sneakers like that.'

'Maybe she doesn't know they're coming back here,' said Kaila. 'But anyway, Dana's right - it's the only plan we've got.'

.-.-.

The total abandonment of footwear had not taken long. The sand was gorgeous, and so was the sea air, and everyone felt they would function far better if their feet were allowed to breathe. Jessica even got to wondering whether a wander in the sea might do her some good, and if she was hoping it would cool her off, it worked. Everyone was surprised by her uncharacteristic, high-pitched shriek, except for Boudicca, who did not know Jessica but did know the North Sea.

'It's always horribly cold,' she said blithely, as she made a fire using sticks and straw with unlikely ease.

'She'll get used to it if she stays in there for a few minutes,' said Rose. 'I did.'

'So you did, Deorwynn,' said Boudicca, smiling maternally at her.

They had gone along the beach to a rocky area, and made themselves comfortable either on the rocks themselves, or on the sand around them. Rose was on the ground, and Conchita on a rock behind her, unravelling her sister's braided hair. She picked out the thick-stemmed plants that held it in place and dropped them onto the sand. Boudicca had at first looked a little put out at this, but she raised no objections.

Jessica did not stay in the sea long enough to get used to the cold. In fact she left almost at once, and came back saying, 'I remember now. Hayden told us, when he was talking about his brother being in Norfolk. The North Sea is always freezing.'

'I should think it is,' said Eden. 'It's come straight from the North Pole. Not that I believe for a moment that it is the _actual_ North Sea you just walked into.'

She looked at Boudicca, hoping for some kind of reaction that would give her at least a tiny clue as to where they were, and perhaps even why. But the ancient queen did not react at all. Of course, Eden thought, she would not have known the sea - or any other place - by its modern English name. Come to that, the Roman governor ought not to have known the term East Anglia. In fact it had already occurred to Eden, some time before, that not one of these characters should have spoken any English at all.

'We're having deer meat!' Boudicca said brightly, once she was happy with her fire.

'You mean venison,' said Eden.

'Do I, Saelufu?'

'I don't eat meat,' said Conchita.

Boudicca stared at her. 'Why ever not, Wynflaeth?'

'I don't eat animals.'

'Well! I have never heard of anything so ridiculous! You must eat, child.'

'I'm not eating any meat.'

'Oh, very well,' said Boudicca. 'There's no point in trying to force you, I suppose. You can have berries.'

'Thank you,' said Conchita. 'I'm all done with your hair, Rosy.'

At this Rose swivelled at the waist and, frowning up at her sister, said something to her in rapid, angry Spanish.

'Now, what is this?' said Boudicca, as Conchita answered her, her voice as calm and sweet as ever. 'Are they speaking Latin, the young rascals? We cannot have that!'

'It's Spanish,' said Eden, pouncing upon the opportunity to talk about language. 'It's a lot like Latin, I know. It evolved from Latin. Some European languages did, including English. Speaking of which, how is that _you_ speak fluent English, when it didn't even exist in your day?'

'I must have picked it up,' said Boudicca. 'I speak this language to you girls, because it is the language you speak. There are differences, but even so, I recognise it as the language I have come to know over the centuries.'

'But _how_? You're speaking British English, I think. I do wonder where you learned it.'

'I do not know what to tell you, Saelufu. Why are Wynflaeth and Deorwynn speaking in this other language? Up until now they spoke just like the rest of you.'

'They have Central American ancestry,' said Charlene, and then she realised that Boudicca surely had no concept of Central America. 'Their father speaks Spanish. They've grown up with it.'

'See, those two are sisters,' said Jessica, who had been wanting to pick Boudicca up on this point for a while. 'But the rest of aren't. Not theirs, and not each other's.'

'Cwenhild, really,' said Boudicca. 'In a sense, are we not all sisters?'

'Not really,' said Jessica.

'But _you_ are. You are my daughters, all six of you.'

Jessica, Charlene, Eden and Conchita all exchanged anxious looks. Conchita was listening now, having told Rose rather firmly that they'd find a way home as soon as they could, and Rose was sulking.

'There's five of us,' said Jessica.

'We are still awaiting Wynnfrith,' said Boudicca.

'Isn't that me?' asked Conchita.

'No, Wynflaeth. Wynnfrith is expected soon,' Boudicca said, and she placed a hand on her lower abdomen, surprising everyone.

'She is _not_ pregnant,' Eden said quietly, to Charlene and Jessica, who were near her. 'It isn't possible.'

'Congratulations,' said Jessica. 'And in the meantime, queenie, what are you going to do with us?'

'First we are going to eat, Cwenhild. Then we must prepare for our battle against the Romans.'

It sounded a chilling prospect, but no one was exactly surprised by it, except for Rose, who had spent her time paddling in the very cold North Sea and having her hair done. She had no reason to think there would be any fighting involved in this little adventure.

'Battle?' she said.

'Not you, Deorwynn,' said Boudicca, giving her that same motherly smile as before. 'The battle is for me, and for my grown-up daughters. You may play in the sea and collect shells, my little one, and if your baby sister arrives you may mind her.'

'What about me?' said Conchita. '_I__'__m_ not grown up.'

'Neither am I,' said Eden.

'You have courage,' said Boudicca. 'Your skills must be sharpened considerably, but you all have courage. Wynflaeth also has skills with horses, though she has yet to ride one, or attempt to control it. We shall start with that, my dear,' she said, looking at Conchita. 'Then, perhaps, you and Saelufu will prove yourselves fit for battle. Girls have been wives and mothers at your age, you know, and you are _my_ girls. My girls are soldiers.'

'I don't want to fight anyone,' said Conchita.

'None of us do,' said Charlene. 'This explains why Rose has been here all the time, while we had to find our own way, and meet all those Romans and stuff. You were testing us, weren't you? You sent those horses to see if we'd ride them to the beach.'

'Did you send the Romans too?' asked Eden.

'The Romans are our enemies,' said Boudicca. Of course this did not answer a single one of her prisoners' questions, asked or unasked. 'Now, my girls, you must not keep me talking. Watch that fire while I fetch the deer meat.'

So saying, Boudicca walked away along the beach, towards the cliffs.

'Well,' said Eden, 'she hasn't learnt _every _word, then. She simply refuses to say venison.'

'Why does everyone here think I'm so mature?' asked Conchita.

'I could ask the same thing about myself,' said Eden, who had hardly begun to develop physically whereas Conchita, though two years younger than she, could already boast a slight curve to her figure. 'But I am sure now that there is no "everyone". It's all her. She created everything. This is a copy of her homeland. The sea isn't cold because it's come straight from the North Pole - it's cold because she knows the North Sea is "always freezing", as Jessica put it, and she has copied it as she remembers it. And the Romans! When they talked about how violent and oppressive they were, those were _her_ opinions of them! She has created this whole world!'

'Okay,' said Jessica. 'Questions. Why has she brought _us_ here?'

Conchita answered that one. 'Because she misses her daughters. Hayden said she had two, didn't he? They were the rooks in the chess set.'

'Then why not just kidnap you two?' asked Jessica.

'Why us?' Rose asked indignantly.

'Because you're real sisters,' said Jessica, 'and because you're still children. She wants to mother you, Rose, but what does she want with a couple of women in their twenties?'

'Warriors,' said Conchita. 'She just told us that, Cwenhild.'

'Right,' said Jessica. 'Well, that brings me to my next question. If this is all her creation, and she hates the Romans so much, why not just leave them out of it?'

'I believe I can hazard a guess at that,' said Eden. 'If she has created this place to play out her fantasies, then she'll want to see the Romans defeated, and reclaim her kingdom.'

'Well,' said Jessica, 'then I guess if she wants us to win the war, we will. Not that I plan on getting that far, mind you - just being hypothetical. But why not just conjure up some imaginary daughters?'

'Who wants imaginary daughters?' said Rose. 'People who imagine their kids because they don't have any real ones are nuts! Of _course_ she'd rather have us.'

'Good answer, pintsize,' said Jessica. 'So here's my last question. What the hell did Egon think he was doing bringing her to the firehouse? Even if he didn't actually think of checking the chess, it would have set off the first PKE meter that went near it! But… I guess it didn't, did it? There was a PKE meter or two in the kitchen when we found you guys all in there looking. So why no reading?'

'I can't answer that,' said Eden.

'Me neither,' said Conchita.

'Nor me,' said Rose, 'but I don't see why it even matters. We're here now, anyway.'

'True,' said Jessica. 'I never noticed how much sense you talked, Rose. What about you, Char? You've been quiet. Any ideas?'

'No,' said Charlene. 'I've just been wondering about this baby sister we've been told to expect. Lucy was in the firehouse today. Do you suppose Boudicca knows about her?'

'If she didn't,' said Eden, 'she does now. She can monitor everything we say and do.'

'Oh… yeah. Oops.'

'Don't worry about it, Char,' said Jessica. 'Grace will have taken Lucy home hours ago.'

'Then I don't get it,' said Charlene. 'Where does she plan to get a baby girl from?'

'Maybe she's going to imagine one,' said Rose. 'Like she imagined the horses and the Romans you talked about. She already thinks she's pregnant. She wants us because we're real, but maybe she doesn't mind imagining a baby.'

'Rose,' said Jessica, 'I'm going to come to you whenever I want a sensible answer to _anything_. I think you were right about her preferring real girls, though. Maybe she _was_ hoping to get Lucy. But she can't, so I guess we don't have to worry about it.'

'I was asking the wrong question when I wanted to know if the Romans had anything against black people, wasn't I?' said Charlene. 'If this is all Boudicca, then I guess the Ancient Britons didn't think colour was a big deal either.'

'I don't know how much exposure they had to different races,' said Eden, 'but if they did see anyone who looked a little different, I'm sure they felt no sense of superiority. That was the Romans' attitude, because they had the ideas and the technology and the power. I'm not saying that made them better than other people, but they thought it did, whereas the Ancient Britons had no reason to think any such thing.'

'What did Boudicca say the baby's name would be?' asked Conchita.

'Wynnfrith,' said Eden.

'Wynn, like in the names she gave Rosy and me?'

'Well, those aren't exactly the same, Chita,' said Eden. 'As Boudicca told us, yours means beautiful. They're from the same root word, of course, but there's a difference in the spelling, and the Wynn in Rose's name means delight, or joy.'

'So,' said Conchita, 'what exactly does Wynnfrith mean?'

'Beauty and peace,' said Eden, 'or - and I think this is more likely - joy and peace.'

.-.-.

Egon worked as quickly as he could without being sloppy. He let John help him with the practical work, and he got Roland to double check his figures and make what he called 'impartial judgements'.

'I'm not really impartial, Egon,' Roland pointed out, before they got started. 'I don't want to hurt them any more than you do.'

'Even so,' said Egon, 'I'm trusting you to think clearly.'

'Someone who really _was_ impartial could kill them,' John said, and it was agreed all round that this was a very sensible remark.

No one else offered to help, knowing that Egon would have asked if he had wanted them; so Janine, Eduardo, Kylie, Winston, Peter, Kaila and Dana sat in the rec room, most of them cradling a shoe or two belonging to his or her own daughter. Slimer was hovering, still compulsively cleaning, and at one point he floated over to Kylie with a helpful expression on his face and a bottle of black shoe polish in his hand. Kylie managed to smile for the first time in hours, and she handed Slimer Rose's left shoe.

'Only Rose's shoes,' she said. 'Because I said you could. All right?'

Slimer nodded, took the shoe to a corner and set to work.

.-.-.

Prosperous in War. Battle Queen. Strength of the Sea. Beautiful and Fair. Dear Delight. Joy and Peace. In descending order of age, those were their Celtic names.

'She's obviously not happy,' said Conchita.

'Nor am I,' said Jessica, so much preoccupied with her ruined plans for the night that she was seriously considering another trip into the freezing cold North Sea.

'I feel kind of sorry for her,' Conchita went on. 'I don't think she's a bad person. Maybe she'll let us go if we just reason with her.'

Again, Rose twisted round and frowned at her. 'Is this your idea of finding a way home?'

'Yes! We'll remind her that we have mothers of our own who are missing us, just like she's missing _her_ daughters.'

'Well,' said Charlene, 'I don't imagine it'll work, but it has to be worth a shot. Anyway, it's the only plan we've got.'

'You're supposed to be a Ghostbuster, Charlene,' said Rose. 'And you, Eden - you're supposed to be good at this stuff too. Can't _you_ do something?'

'We don't have any equipment,' said Charlene. 'And we don't know where we are.'

'But we _do_ know something that might be useful,' said Eden, 'if only we can find a way to take advantage of it. We know that Boudicca is keeping us here by her own force of will. I wonder if a better idea than trying to reason with her might be to convince her that she doesn't want us. Remember the arguments you used to have with your mother, Jessica, about five years ago? And Rose, when you want to annoy Kylie, you refuse to speak any English, don't you? You and Chita could both do that. I could do it too - I could talk nothing but Latin. She'd _hate_ that!'

'What about me?' asked Charlene, not at all convinced that this was a good plan, but she was curious to hear her part in it nonetheless.

'I don't know, Charlene,' said Eden. 'I've never seen you in confrontation with either of your parents.'

'You could preach at her about her choice of boyfriend, Char,' said Jessica. 'That's _really _annoying. Did Hayden tell us anything about her husband?'

'Oh, shut up, everyone!' said Rose. 'It won't work.'

'Oh, _won__'__t_ it?' said Eden, getting suddenly and dramatically to her feet, as she saw Boudicca reappearing on the cliff path with an enormous deer carcass slung over her shoulders. 'Well, I say we try it! I have had enough of this! Who does she think she is, just whisking other people's daughters off to some spiritual plain so she can pretend they're hers? I'm not putting up with it anymore! Hey, you!' and she began marching across the sand, her fists clenched at her sides.

'Go, Edie!' said Jessica, also rising to her feet, ready to back her young friend up with verbal abuse if necessary.

'Is this a good idea?' asked Conchita.

'I very much doubt it, honey,' said Charlene.

.-.-.

'I wish Egon would let us help,' said Peter.

'He's building,' said Winston. 'Too many cooks spoil the broth, Pete. He'll let us all in on it when he's finished laying the groundwork.'

It was only a few minutes after he said this that everyone was called into the kitchen. Slimer left Rose's shoe in a puddle of green slime and went with them. He positioned himself in a high corner and stayed there, knowing that this was not the time to get excited and rush headlong into the action.

'Very simply, then,' said Egon, and he gestured to a small box that looked anything but simple, and which had several thin, insulated wires attached to it. 'Each of these wires has a tiny amount of proton running through it, or rather it will have, when I activate the device. I shall insert the wires into the chess pieces, one by one. Presumably, the more wires are attached to the chess set, the more discomfort our spirit will experience.'

'And the more risk to the girls, right?' said Dana.

'Just how risky is this, Egon?' Eduardo asked.

'Not very,' said Egon. 'It's hard to say, really. We know the spirit is attached to the chess set, and our daughters are attached to the spirit, but I can't begin to ascertain the relationship between where they are and what's in front of us. Personally, I don't think they can really have that much to do with each other.'

'Neither do I,' said Roland. 'But as Egon said, this is as big a risk as we can take.'

'I think we should allow one minute between wire insertions,' said Egon. 'Does everyone agree with that?'

Everyone did indeed agree that one minute was a very reasonable amount of time to wait for a result before increasing the attack.

'Are you going to insert _all_ those wires before we give up?' asked Kylie.

'I suppose I am,' said Egon, 'unless anyone starts to feel uncomfortable with it. If that's the case, do tell me. Now.' He produced a small pair of tweezers and levelled it over his first wire, his eyes narrowing. 'Obviously there's no need to pay any attention to the pine pieces - just the oak. I suppose the queen is as good a place to start as any.'

.-.-.

'This,' said Eden, as she came to an abrupt halt in front of Boudicca and her dead deer, 'is completely unacceptable! You have no right to keep us here! We are _not_ your daughters! We have mothers and fathers of our own! And some of us have brothers! And some of us have college! Or elementary school! Or junior high! And at least one of us had plans for tonight! None of us wants to be here, so kindly send us home!'

Boudicca looked at her for a moment. Then she said, 'Well, Saelufu, we all need to let off steam every now and then.'

'Oh, Adonai!' squeaked Eden. 'Where did you hear that phrase? Fine, you've somehow picked up English over the years, but there were no steam locomotives, _or_ metaphors relating to them, until the Nineteenth Century! If you're going to keep us here, won't you at least explain to me how you're speaking nineteenth-century English? It's driving me _crazy_!'

'Clearly,' said Boudicca. 'I have told you, child, I picked it up. I heard what you call English spoken for many centuries… when I was free. As for letting you go… can't you see that I need you, Saelufu? And you, Cwenhild!' as Jessica drew up behind Eden. 'I have nothing here!'

'I'm sorry about that,' said Jessica, surprised to find herself sufficiently moved to put her own anger to one side, for the moment at least. 'I'm sure we all are. But you might as well imagine your daughters as keep us here. We'll never love you. We'll always resent you, and we'll always be trying to get away from you. Is that what you want?'

'Any real feeling is better than a love I have imagined for myself,' said Boudicca. 'No one can replace my daughters, but I can love other children, so long as they are _real. _An imagined child won't do, because she won't need me. That's what being a mother is… being needed… and you, my darlings, cannot survive here without me.'

'I'm not convinced we can survive here _with_ you,' said Eden, looking dubiously at the deer carcass they were expected to eat, the product of a dead woman's imagination. 'But what do you mean, you were free? When was this? Why aren't you free now?'

'I don't…' As she spoke, Boudicca began to look uncomfortable, and put down her deer carcass with some effort. 'I don't understand… I used to feel…' She grimaced and doubled over, in obvious pain.

'What's going on?' asked Charlene, running to join them. Behind her, Conchita had a firm hold of Rose's wrist and was dragging her over the sand.

'I have absolutely no idea!' said Eden, astonished.

'Looks like period cramps,' said Jessica. 'Man, that must have been hard in her day, mustn't it? No painkillers; no hot baths; no feminine hygiene aisle…'

'I guess they didn't know any different, though,' said Charlene.

'Are period cramps really as bad as that?' asked Conchita.

'Not for everyone,' said Charlene.

'Right,' said Jessica. 'Some smug little witches don't feel anything, and try to make out like the rest of us are making a fuss about nothing. The things I'd like to do to them… Anyway, princess, you'll probably be all right. Smooth handles find you, remember?'

'Why are we talking about this?' said Eden. 'Boudicca doesn't have period cramps! Why would a ghost have period cramps?'

Then, all at once, the world vanished. Their stomachs turned and their heads swam. At least one of them gave a girlish scream, as they became suddenly aware of each other's bodies much too close, and of the chess-covered kitchen table beneath them. Jessica, Charlene and Eden, finding themselves too big to stay on the table with two other girls and a large chess set, fell instantly to the floor. A moment later, they were all being picked up by their mothers. Conchita and Rose picked themselves up gingerly, 'ow'-ing at the irritating pain of several large chess pieces digging into various parts of their bodies.

Eduardo and Kylie pulled both of their daughters off the table and into a mass hug, chess pieces falling all around them. Roland hastily picked these up and put them into a garbage bag, then swept the remaining pieces and the board into it, and finally made a hurried exit from the room. No one took any notice as he did this. Jessica, Charlene and Eden, once on their feet, found themselves being hugged from both sides as their fathers joined in. It took all of the girls this long to understand that they were home and, hopefully, safe. Then, suddenly, they hugged back as tightly as they were physically able.

'Do _not_!' said Jessica, shouting directly into Dana's ear and making her wince, as Slimer tried to get in on her hug. He turned away, looking dejected.

'Come here, Slimer,' said Conchita, freeing her left arm and holding it out to him. Slimer flew into her waiting embrace, babbling with joy.

'Are you okay?' John asked, as Eden's hug with her parents began to loosen up a little.

'Just a little sore from falling off the table,' said Eden.

'I helped save you,' John said. 'I helped Pop build his machine, and I went to the art museum and found out that the chess set was custom made, which turned out to be important. Well, kind of.'

'You're a hero, Johnny,' said Jessica, giving him a squeeze.

'Yeah, thanks, John!' said Conchita, and she gave him a slimy green hug. 'Thank you, all of you! We didn't see how we were ever going to get out of there!'

'What do you mean, custom made?' Eden asked her brother. 'What do you know about it? Boudicca was there, you see, and I want to try and figure out why.'

Janine, keeping both hands on Eden's shoulders, exchanged a look with Egon as their children began comparing notes on what they had learned. Conchita said that she wanted to go and fix her hair, which was now drenched in slime as well as being tangled, and made her way up to the top-floor shower room. Rose was clinging to her mother, and showed no signs of wanting to let go any time soon. Charlene was allowing Slimer to hug her, while Jessica had discovered that all their shoes, socks and hair accessories were spread around the kitchen and rec room.

'Do you guys have my iPhone?' she asked.

'Oh, yes, here,' Peter said, producing it from his back pocket and handing it to her.

'Great, thanks, Dad. Did, um… anyone call?'

'I don't know. It's been switched off.'

'Oh.' She wandered off with the phone, which was already making sounds.

'Well, what do we make of that?' Dana asked irritably.

'I don't want to know,' Peter said, remembering some of the things he had got up to when he was twenty, and wishing he could forget them for a year or two.

Charlene's hug with Slimer inevitably resulted in her wanting a shower. The outcome of this was that she and Conchita, one going up and the other going down, both came across Jessica checking her messages in the middle of the spiral staircase.

'Are you _sure_ he's not anyone special?' Conchita asked.

'Even if he was,' said Jessica, 'I hope you don't imagine I'd be about to have a hideous fairytale wedding and drive off into the sunset in a pumpkin. Someday, Conchita Rivera, you'll learn.'

'I hope that someday _you__'__ll_ learn, Jess,' said Conchita.

'As it happens,' said Jessica, 'I've learned plenty of things they don't tell you about in the Disney movies. It's just sex, Chita. I suppose you know what I mean by that?'

'I know what just sex is,' said Conchita. 'How do you think I happened?'

Jessica nodded, still jabbing at her phone.

'Anyway,' Conchita went on, 'there's some really good conditioner in the shower. That sea breeze may not have been real, but the knots in our hair are real enough.'

'Too true,' said Charlene. 'I think I'd better be next, Jess, don't you?'

'Well,' said Jessica, 'if you will let Slimer touch you, you deserve everything you get. But go ahead anyway - I'm leaving.'

'You'll regret it when you try to brush your hair in the morning,' said Conchita.

'I'll live,' said Jessica, squeezing past Charlene and making her way downstairs. She went back into the kitchen, with Conchita following her, and said, 'I have to go now.'

'Are you serious?' said Dana.

'I had plans for tonight.'

'It's after midnight!'

'Life doesn't stop at midnight,' said Jessica. Then she approached her parents, kissed each of them on the cheek and said, 'I'll see you both tomorrow. We can do whatever parent-child bonding activity you want, I promise.'

Then she left, leaving Dana feeling put out and Peter trying not to think too much about where she might have gone and why. Conchita, meanwhile, had wrapped her arms around Eduardo's waist, put her left ear against his sternum and begun airing her grievances.

'She wanted me to eat meat,' she said.

'That was very insensitive of her,' Eduardo said, stroking her hair.

'And she did Rosy's hair.'

'_Evil _woman! Nobody does Rosy's hair but you!'

Rose, meanwhile, had taken Kylie into the rec room for a sit-down cuddle on the couch. Slimer was finishing the polish job on her shoes, while John and Eden had made a deduction that they couldn't wait to tell to Dana.

'The chess set must have been made during or after the Nineteenth Century,' said John, 'because Boudicca was picking up English all the time she was in her tree, and she knew the phrase "letting off steam", which started with the steam locomotive. So it probably was the Pre-Raphaelites who made it, wasn't it? Or someone who admired their work.'

'I guess so,' said Dana.

'I do wonder why someone had the tree cut down and the chess set made,' said Eden. 'I wish we could find out, but I don't suppose we ever shall. And not once, apparently, did anyone discuss venison in her presence. Fascinating.'

It soon became apparent that no one quite had the energy to go home, and almost every adult (bar Roland) at least once considered settling down for the night at the firehouse, rather than make the effort of getting all the way to their own beds. Those under twenty, however, apparently were not tired at all. They all helped themselves to something to eat, and Eden allowed Janine to untangle her hair for her. None of them made any suggestion of going home, or going to sleep. They claimed instead to want to know what news Egon would bring when he at last followed the chess set down to his own lab, where Roland had taken it.

'I'm not waiting around for that,' said Kaila. 'I think we should go home.'

'Agreed,' said Winston. 'You coming, honey?'

'Sure,' said Charlene, who thought she was close to figuring out who Jessica's lover was, but she didn't think she could get there without a few hours' sleep. 'See you sometime, everyone.'

So saying, she left with her parents. A few minutes later John happened to wander down to Janine's desk, and found himself returning the calls of people who had left messages insisting that someone get back to them about their ghost problems ASAP, no matter the time of night. Eden picked up one of Kylie's books and began reading all about Boudicca, while Conchita fetched down the miracle conditioner, turned on the kitchen taps and told Rose to lean over the sink. Rose felt so sorry for some of the things she had said to her sister earlier that she did not argue.

They were on the sofa, Conchita combing the last of the tangles out of Rose's still-wet hair, when Eduardo found himself getting ready for a late night quest for marshmallows. There seemed to be no question that hot chocolate with all the trimmings was completely necessary.

'Get pink ones,' said Conchita, looking utterly pathetic.

'Not _just_ pink ones,' said Rose.

'Okay,' said Eduardo.

'Oh, and Daddy,' said Conchita, 'if you're going anyway, will you get me a _Teen Vogue _magazine? Please,' she added, smiling.

'I'm not "going anyway",' Eduardo said amicably. 'Do you want a magazine, Rosy?'

'_Cricket_,' said Rose.

'_Cricket_… well, the stores don't always have… okay, sweetheart, I'll find one,' and Eduardo turned to leave before the list became any longer or more ambitious.

'Well,' said Kylie, to whomever happened to be in earshot, 'there's not much wrong with _them_. And he knows it, but he lets them do it anyway! Sweetie.' She grabbed Eduardo's arm as he passed her, and gave him a well practised smile. 'We need dry cat food. Try to get the pink one, if you can.'

'Fine,' said Eduardo. 'I'll get everything pink. Unless it's for Rose.'

'I'll be your friend forever and ever if you bring me some popping candy,' said Peter, in a voice even more pathetic than Conchita's had been. 'As long as it's purple.'

'Shut up,' said Eduardo, as he began his descent of the staircase.

'Don't make fun of him, Dr Venkman' said Roland. 'You've been there.'

'I'm there still,' said Peter. 'Don't imagine it ever stops, junior. What are you still doing here, anyway? Your wife and kids are at home.'

'I was waiting to see if anyone wanted a ride home,' said Roland.

'Oh my God,' said Peter. 'That's just sickening. Get out of here, you damn do-gooder. Okay, Spengs?' he added, as Roland left and Egon entered, frowning at a PKE meter.

'I'm not sure,' said Egon. 'As you know, I was hoping to find a way to neutralise any threat the chess set may still present, but… I don't think the ghost is in there any longer.'

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

_Ghostbusters: _**The Queen****'****s Revenge**

Chapter 4

Hayden had long since fallen asleep over a book about child psychology that he hadn't been concentrating on. He was woken, fully clothed and with the book open on his chest, by a loud and persistent knocking. He fell out of bed, fought his way out of the sheets and finally made it to the door.

'I'd just about given up on you,' he said sleepily.

'Darling!' Jessica stalked into the room, pushing him towards the unmade bed and kicking the door shut behind her. 'Forgive me.'

She began to kiss him, so passionately that he woke up at once. He almost let himself be carried away by her eagerness, but he could tell that something was wrong, and so pulled away from her.

'Be not abashed, my heart's own darling,' she said, thrusting her lips towards him.

'What's going on?' asked Hayden, as he dodged her kiss. 'Why are you talking like that? Your English accent was terrible two weeks ago!'

'Come now,' she purred. 'Are you not my lover? Above all things, do you not delight in the union of our bodies?'

'That's beside the point,' said Hayden. 'I really don't think we should do anything with you… like this.'

'Darling, what _can_ you mean? Am I not young and healthy? Do I not have childbearing hips? There is nothing to stop us! Or is there?' She paused, looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said, 'Tell me, my love. How long has it been since my last bleed?'

'Your _love_?' said Hayden. 'Jess, seriously, you're scaring me now.'

'How _long_?' she demanded.

'What?'

'Idiot boy! How many days have passed since I last denied you my body because of my bleed?'

'Four,' said Hayden, answering quickly, alarmed by this sudden surge of anger.

'Hmm.' She took a step back, looking thoughtful once again. 'It may be a little early, or it may be just the right time. We had better begin now, and carry on for five or six more days, at least. Yes, we shall do that,' and so saying, she started struggling out of her jacket and t-shirt. 'Bah! How does one remove this accursed undergarment? Ah, I know. _You_ can remove it. You'll enjoy that, won't you?'

'Hang on,' said Hayden, as she set upon him once again. 'Please… stop that. Just let me see if I've got this right. Do you want me to make you _pregnant_?'

'Yes, my love. Fertilise me!'

'But… I _can__'__t_!'

Of all Hayden's objections to her demand, this was the one he felt least strongly about but most able to articulate. She stared at him a moment, her hands clasping the back of his neck, he holding her waist at arms' length. Then she moved away from him and started struggling back into her t-shirt.

'What do you mean?' she asked stiffly. 'I know you do not have a dysfunction.'

'I certainly don't, thank you very much,' said Hayden. 'But you're… I mean, Jessica's on the Pill.' (He knew very well by now that he was not talking to Jessica.)

'Pill? What Pill? What is the meaning of this drivel?'

'Jessica takes a drug that stops her from being able to conceive children.'

At this she turned and stared at him, open-mouthed, and asked in horrified tones, 'For all time?'

'No,' said Hayden. 'Oh, no. Only until she stops taking it.'

'Oh. What a world this is! Well then, how long would it be before I could conceive, if I denied my body this Pill from now onwards? It ought to be some fifteen or twenty days before I bleed again. Could it be done this moon cycle?'

'Not with me, it couldn't,' said Hayden. 'And don't forget, that isn't _your_ body… I don't think. Who the hell are you? What have you done with Jess?'

'I have done nothing with her.'

'Well then, let me talk to her.'

'Why? What would you say?'

'Never you mind,' Hayden said, with no idea what he wanted to say to Jessica just then.

'I haven't time for this.' She turned and reached for the door handle.

'Why? Where are you going?'

She shot him a poisonous look, and the words, 'Never you mind.'

She pulled the door open and left the room. Hayden considered trying to stop her, but he couldn't think of anything to say that would keep her there. He wondered whether it would have been better not to mention the Pill, but then she would have carried on trying to seduce him, and he would have had to dissuade her somehow. Anyway, it was too late to think about what he might have done. He had to decide what he was going to do next and, fortunately enough, the best course of action was obvious to him.

.-.-.

Janine ran into the kitchen, where Eden was still reading books, while Kylie crossed the room to the sofa and put one hand on Rose's head and the other on Conchita's shoulder.

'You mean she's not in the chess anymore?' asked Kylie.

'So it would seem,' said Egon.

'I don't understand,' said Dana. 'Egon, why would your gadget mean that she stopped possessing the chess set?'

'It probably didn't have anything to do with us,' said Egon. 'Or not directly, anyway. I think she must have been able to leave the chess set all along, if she chose to. After the spirit was initially awakened, I mean.'

'Which is when Hayden told us her name, right?' said Peter.

'We don't know that for sure,' said Kylie. 'It's just that it's the only explanation we can think of, and it did come at the right time.'

'Which was an hour or two after the school run,' said Peter. 'So if she's been able to leave the chess since then, why wait until the middle of the night to actually do it?'

'Because she was fine where she was,' said Rose.

Everyone looked at her. Then Egon asked, 'What do you mean, Rose?'

'I mean she was all right in the chess set,' Rose said impatiently. 'She'd made it look like home. She wanted the older girls to fight the Romans, and she wanted to play with me and do my hair, and she wanted to feed all of us deer meat. It was easy for her to take us into the chess set with her, so she didn't have to leave. _That__'__s_ what I mean.'

'But now she doesn't have us anymore,' said Conchita, as she combed the last knot out of her sister's hair. 'There you go, Rosy. I guess your hair band is around here someplace. I wonder why Boudicca didn't use it in your braid.'

'Because she didn't like it, of course,' said Rose. 'It was an anachronism.'

'Good word, honey,' said Kylie. 'So do you girls have any idea where Boudicca might have gone now?'

'She's certainly not with us any longer,' said Egon, still studying his PKE meter.

Conchita and Rose exchanged a look. Then Conchita said, 'We did think that maybe she wanted Lucy, as well as the rest of us.'

'She said we were going to have a baby sister,' Rose added.

'You most certainly are not,' said Kylie. 'I mean… we don't need to worry too much about that, do we? Lucy went home hours ago, and Boudicca doesn't know where she lives. But I guess we should call Roland, just to be on the safe side.'

'He won't answer while he's driving,' said Conchita.

'Then I'll wait ten minutes,' said Kylie. 'Or I could call his house and leave a message. Do people check their messages if they get home in the middle of the night? I bet Roland does. But I guess I don't want to wake Grace. Or Adam. They tell me Lucy sleeps through anything. Nice for her. I'm exhausted. Why aren't you two tired? I think you were mean to make Daddy go out and buy you things in the middle of the night.'

'You're rambling, Mommy,' said Rose. 'You should get some sleep.'

'I'll call Roland,' said Peter, but then his cell phone rang. He looked at the display. 'It's Hayden! Holy crap - why would he call me in the middle of the night?' Panicking, and feeling sure he was going to have to contact Kate Wallance with bad news, he answered the call. 'Hello?'

'Oh,' said Hayden, 'you're awake!'

'Yes, I know. Is that all you called to tell me?'

'No. Jessica was just here. She's possessed or bonkers or under a spell or something.'

'_What_?'

Hayden did his best to explain without giving away the reason for the late night visit, but Peter was so persistent in his questioning that the whole story soon came out, albeit in a facts only version. Hayden did not mention the reason why he, of all the men stored in Jessica's mind, had struck her hijacker as the obvious choice of sperm donor.

'She wanted to get_ pregnant_?' Peter said, already struggling into his flight suit with only one hand free, and even managing to throw Egon his suit at the same time. 'Wow. She's possessed all right. Thank you for refusing, but couldn't you have made her stay?'

'I don't see how.'

'Well, the best way is to give her a sedative.'

'I don't have any sedatives.'

'Never mind,' said Peter. 'I'm sure you did your best. Poor little Hayden - you're not used to this kind of thing. We'll be with you as soon as we can.' Then he hung up, saying frantically, 'Come on, Egon, hurry - she's possessed Jess!'

'_What_?' shrieked Dana.

'Really?' said Conchita. 'She's possessed Jess? Boudicca has? I wonder why.'

'To get pregnant,' said Peter. 'I guess that sounds like something she'd do, after what you guys just told us. I hope it _is_ Boudicca. If it's not, then we won't know _what_ we're dealing with, and then we'll still have Boudicca to look for after! Who's coming?'

'Me!' said Dana. '_I__'__m_ coming! Oh, my poor baby! Egon, what should we do?'

'Why are you asking him?' said Peter, visibly hurt.

'Um, because…'

'Shall I come with you?' asked Kylie. 'I seem to be the only other Ghostbuster left.'

'No, Mommy, stay with us!' said Rose, grabbing onto Kylie's arm and making her big brown eyes look enormous.

'Of course you must stay, Kylie,' said Dana. 'And so must Janine. It's better if there aren't too many of us, anyway. We don't want to scare her into doing anything stupid.'

'I think it's too late for that, Dana,' said Egon. 'Trying to get pregnant in someone else's body, in an unfamiliar time and place, almost two millennia after she lived, with nowhere to go and nothing to live on… that seems fairly stupid to me.'

'Well, you know what I mean,' Dana said irritably, as she proceeded to bundle Egon and Peter down the pole, and then to go down after them, hampered not a bit by her skirt and high-heeled shoes.

In the foyer, John was still on the phone, frantically writing something down and saying, 'Well, just don't go in there. Hey!' He looked up when he saw the trio touching down a few yards away from him, and then piling into the Ecto-1. 'What's going on?'

'Boudicca's possessed my baby!' wailed Dana. Then the car doors closed, and they were gone.

John finished with the person on the phone, hung up rather violently and then made his way upstairs. He found Rose sitting cross-legged at the coffee table, drawing, Kylie dialling a number on her cell phone and Eden on the floor in front of the sofa, letting Conchita play with her hair. He heard noises coming from the kitchen, and worked out that Janine was in there, making coffee.

'Mom's preparing a caffeine fix,' said John. 'Is that so she can drive us home, or so we can pull an all-nighter here?'

'I don't want to go home yet,' said Eden. 'I want to find out what happens with Jessica.'

'I'd rather go to bed,' said John, yawning. 'Jess'll be all right. She's in the best possible hands.'

'Why are _you_ tired?' said Rose. 'You weren't sucked into the chess set. I'm drawing a picture of the beach where we were. What do you think?' She held it out to him.

'Roland!' said Kylie. 'Finally! Now listen, just to warn you…'

'Looking good so far,' said John. 'A lot more realistic than your usual style.'

'It has to be,' said Rose. 'I want to show it to Hayden and ask if it looks like any beaches he knows in England.'

'We were saying,' Kylie told her cell phone, 'that Boudicca doesn't know where you live. But I guess Jessica does, doesn't she? She's already been to see Hayden, and tried to get herself pregnant by him…'

'Did you know.' said John, 'that Michelangelo is considered to have achieved the ultimate goal of the Renaissance art movement?'

'Yes,' said Rose. 'Once Leonardo DaVinci paved the way for him.'

'And,' said John, keen to show off his newfound knowledge, 'did you know that Raphael was the first influential artist to deviate from those ideals?'

'Yes,' said Rose. 'I know everything about art. I'm an expert.'

'And what did Donatello do, John?' asked Conchita.

'I didn't ask Dr Poha that,' said John. 'I thought about it, but I was worried about Edie at the time. And the rest of you. It didn't seem like the right moment for glib Ninja Turtles references.'

'Don't panic, Roland,' said Kylie. 'Just take her in with you.'

'Donatello was a sculptor early on in the Renaissance,' said Rose. 'He wasn't all thatinnovative. Not like the other three, anyway. This absolutely cannot be coloured with anything except chalk. I wish I'd asked Daddy to buy coloured chalk.'

'Call his cell phone,' said Conchita.

'Oh yes.' Rose stood up and headed for the nearest telephone.

'I can't tell you anything else,' said Kylie. 'She probably won't even try to kidnap her anyway - it's only a hunch. Will you please just go to bed?'

.-.-.

'I won't sleep,' said Roland, who had been setting up Lucy's hand-me-down Moses basket in the master bedroom with only half a usable arm. He had Lucy draped over his left shoulder, secured by one hand, and his cell phone clamped between his right shoulder and ear.

'Then don't,' said Kylie. 'If she shows up, try to keep her there, and call Dr Venkman on his cell phone. Okay?'

'Okay,' said Roland. 'Thanks, Kylie. Bye.'

'What _is_ going on?' Grace mumbled, as Roland climbed into bed beside her.

'Sorry,' he said. 'Did I wake you?'

'When you came crashing in here with baby furniture, screeching into your cell phone, you did wake me, yes. What's going on? Did you bring Lucy in here?'

'Yes.'

He was afraid Grace would ask _why_ he had brought Lucy, and he didn't much want to worry her by telling her the reason, but evidently she was too tired to enquire. Perhaps she was too tired even to wonder. All she said was, 'Did she sleep through all that?'

'Yes,' said Roland.

'I wish I had.'

.-.-.

Hayden followed the sound of sirens as the Ecto-1 drew to a halt in the forecourt outside the building. As he approached, Egon and Peter jumped out brandishing PKE meters.

'Hi!' said Hayden. 'Please may I tag along?'

'Why do you want to do that?' asked Peter.

'All sorts of reasons. I want to know exactly what's going on, and I'm worried about Jess, and I might even be able to help. If I'd known it was Boudicca possessing her…' He tailed off, looking distinctly star-struck.

'What?' Peter asked. 'What would you have done differently?'

'Oh, I don't know. I'd have been a lot less ratty with her, certainly. I suppose I'd have tried to cheer her up. She can't be happy, or she wouldn't be doing any of this.'

'Yeah, well, she'll feel a lot worse by the time I'm through with her,' said Peter.

'Now, hold on a minute,' said Hayden. 'Fine, you want to get her out of Jessica. So do I. But that has to be all. You _can__'__t_ attack her. She's a bloody hero, Peter!'

'Are you nuts?' said Peter. 'Of course we have to attack her - she's obviously dangerous! And she's not a hero, anyway. She lost!'

'Peter, please…' said Egon.

'Well, yes, she lost,' said Hayden, frowning. 'Of _course_ she lost. _You _try fighting the Romans with nothing but some sticks and a bit of mud to throw!'

'I believe their weapons were a little more sophisticated than that, Hayden,' said Egon. 'Nowhere near as sophisticated as the Romans', I'll grant you, but -'

'Egon,' said Peter, 'no one gives a shit.'

As he said this, Dana opened the rear car door and said, 'Now, boys, don't fight. Get in, Hayden. It's very sweet of you to want to help.'

Hayden got in, already sorry for having angered Peter (whom he liked a great deal), and within minutes they were on their way. As Egon drove and Peter navigated through the dark, crowded and horribly slow-moving streets, Dana explained to Hayden what had been happening as best she could.

'So,' said Hayden, '_why_ did this happen exactly? I mean, that chess set must be quite a few years old, so why now?'

'We can only think of one thing that might have released her,' said Dana, 'and that was someone saying her name.'

'But that was me,' said Hayden. 'So… wait a minute. You mean this is _my_ fault? Oh my goodness - I'm so sorry!'

'Don't worry, Hayden,' said Egon. 'I would have found out her name anyway, and told it to anyone who wanted to know.'

'But surely someone's said her name before tonight,' said Hayden.

'Well,' said Dana, 'Kaila - that's Charlene's mom, honey - called the chess set's previous owners, and they all called her by that older version of her name.'

'What,' said Hayden, 'Boadicea? Oh, how annoying!'

'They can't help the fact that the name was mistranscribed,' said Egon.

'Well, fine,' said Hayden, 'but we know now. We've known for about twenty-five years.'

'That's not the worst thing that's happened today, Hayden,' said Peter.

'I know,' said Hayden. 'Sorry. I care more about Jess than I do about Boudicca, honestly. I really wish she hadn't done this. Maybe she's not as brilliant as I thought.'

'Oh, sweetie!' said Dana, squeezing his arm.

'Perhaps it's true what they say about meeting your heroes,' said Egon.

'Well,' said Peter, 'you can be flattered that she wanted you to father her baby, anyway. I mean, what the hell does she think she's playing at? It is _not_ okay. Possessing people and then using their bodies for sex, I mean. Doesn't she care that Jess is somebody's daughter? _Her_ daughters were raped - she should know better.'

'I'm glad she picked you, Hayden,' said Dana. 'Better you than someone who'd actually go through with it. I daresay there are some guys who would.'

'There are,' said Egon.

'More than you know,' said Peter. 'I think most guys would at least consider it.'

'You would say that,' said Dana, stamping out some uncomfortable memories. 'But I wonder why Hayden, anyway. No offence, honey, but she could have picked anyone. You're not the only young man Jessica knows, so why you?'

'I can't imagine,' said Hayden.

'She's in a strange time and place,' said Egon. 'She lived fourteen centuries before the Americas were discovered for the western world. I daresay that your being from her homeland, Hayden, was a factor in her decision. If she's going to have a baby, she wants English blood in its veins.'

'That makes sense,' Hayden said, quietly grateful to Egon for thinking of this explanation.

'Oh no!' said Peter, as the traffic began to slow to a crawl. 'Cops! Please, _please_ don't be anything to do with Jess…'

'Boudicca wouldn't even have _considered_ CCTV!' said Dana. 'If there's any proof she's committed some crime in Jessica's body… oh, I can't bear to think about it!'

'There's no reason to assume that this has anything to do with Jessica,' said Egon.

'My PKE meter says she made a stop here, Egon,' said Peter. 'We'd better check it out.'

.-.-.

'_Teen Vogue _for Chita, _Cricket _for Rosy, dry cat food, the pink one,' Eduardo said, rifling through his shopping bags, and handing the magazines to his daughters in exchange for big-eyed looks of gratitude. 'Let's never forget that I found coloured chalk at one a.m. on a Saturday. Marshmallows, pink and white. Mitts off, Slimer!' Slimer floated away, looking dejected. 'Who else wants hot chocolate?'

'If it's not too much trouble,' said Eden, 'that would be most welcome.'

'Am I allowed?' asked John. 'I didn't get kidnapped.'

'Sure,' said Eduardo. 'Do you care what colour your marshmallows are?'

'No,' John and Eden said together. Then Eden added, 'There's been a development, if you're interested. Boudicca got out of the chess set and possessed Jessica.'

'Really?' said Eduardo. 'Well, that's not good! Why wouldn't I be interested?'

'Because it's late,' John said sleepily.

'She wanted Hayden to make her pregnant,' said Conchita, 'but he wouldn't. So you see, Daddy, I was right - men aren't _all_ after one thing.'

'They are,' said Eduardo. 'Even ones who won't take advantage of a girl when she's possessed. I bet he at least thought about it. I'd even bet he almost went through with it. Saying no to her wouldn't have been easy for him.'

'No?' said John, sounding suddenly much more awake.

'I don't think so.'

Rose, listening with half an ear, understood enough of the conversation to feel sickened by it. She decided to change the subject, and said, 'I thought you were going to make hot chocolate.'

'I am,' said Eduardo, and he took the marshmallows and dry cat food into the kitchen. Then, putting the cat food down on the table by Kylie, he said, 'Look, I found the one Iago likes. And I found everything else too, even _Cricket_ and coloured chalk. I really earn that World's Best Dad mug.'

'Why would you bother finding coloured chalk at one a.m. on a Saturday?' asked Kylie.

'Rose called me to ask for it. She said it was urgent.'

'Well, of course it wasn't "urgent"! I'd have stopped her if I'd known.'

'Did they tell you about Jessica?' asked Janine.

'Yeah,' said Eduardo, as he began to heat a pan of milk. 'Do all possessed women try to have sex with somebody? I wish they wouldn't.'

'You never would have thought of that before you had daughters,' said Kylie.

'I might have,' said Eduardo. 'If you're insinuating something…'

'What, you mean Achira? She wasn't really going to go that far, babe - she just wanted to infect you. You wouldn't have felt up to it anyway, once she'd done that.'

'Sure he would,' said Janine. 'He's a guy,' and she and Kylie both started sniggering.

'That's sexist,' said Eduardo.

'You can't have it both ways,' said Kylie. 'I've heard you giving Chita the talk. You're pretty sexist yourself, you know, telling her that guys only want one thing.'

'Mostly they do,' said Janine. 'But there are exceptions. Mind you, when it comes right down to it, Egon -'

'I don't want to hear about that,' said Eduardo, as he divided up the marshmallows by colour. 'Wait till I've gone. I'm sure Kylie'd like to know all about it.'

'Where did that come from?' asked Kylie. 'Why are you being a jerk all of sudden?'

'I'm not. Not on purpose, anyway. I'm tired. I've been out half the night looking for that exact type of cat food.'

'Hey! It wasn't _me_ who sent you! You were looking for magazines and marshmallows and _chalk_, for heaven's sake! When are you going to stop letting them manipulate you?'

Eduardo put down the spoon he'd been using to stir, and began to retaliate. With a sigh of resignation Janine drained her coffee cup, stood up, finished preparing the four mugs of hot chocolate and finally took them through to the kids.

'Thank you, Janine,' said Conchita, as she was handed the mug topped with exclusively pink marshmallows. 'Mom and Dad fighting again, are they? That's good.'

'Don't you ever worry that it's serious?' asked John.

'Oh, we can tell the difference,' Conchita said airily. 'That's just normal.'

'Thank you, Mother,' Eden said. 'Hot chocolate does have a certain therapeutic quality, doesn't it? I've forgotten all about why I was so frustrated with Boudicca earlier. I expect Jessica would like some of this, when's she's quite all right again. I wonder how they're getting on.'

'Don't worry, honey,' said Janine. 'Your father knows what he's doing. And so does Dr Venkman, I guess - and besides, nobody's in any _really _serious danger. Boudicca just wants to have a baby - she's not trying to destroy the world or anything. We've dealt with _so_ much worse than this.'

.-.-.

'She robbed a drycleaner?' said Peter, watching from across the street as two police officers talked to the distressed store proprietor. 'Really?'

He felt useless, standing around with Egon and Hayden while they waited for Dana to get back from her investigations, which she was attempting to conduct without being seen (hence her refusal to take an accomplice). Soon enough she came scuttling back over the road, ducking into the shadows and behind parked cars in her attempt not to be noticed by the police officers.

'You should have told me you were pregnant,' said Peter.

'These are Jessica's,' said Dana, producing a bundle of clothes from under her sweater. 'I don't know if the guy had seen them or not, but anyway, they're gone now so he has no evidence. There doesn't seem to be any CCTV, and fingerprints don't prove anything by themselves. Oh, and I managed to overhear what was stolen. It was an industrial sized tablecloth, a curtain and a curtain cord.'

'Okay,' said Peter, 'well, I can't figure that out.'

'It's fairly obvious, Peter,' said Egon, 'to one who can stay objective. If Boudicca has relieved herself of Jessica's clothing and stolen a curtain and a tablecloth, that can only mean she has decided to fashion herself a new ensemble - presumably something closer to what she used to wear when she was alive.'

'Oh yeah,' said Peter. 'You did a school project on her, Hayden - what did she used to wear?' He waited. 'Hey!' He gave Hayden a nudge. 'Are you okay?'

'Who, me? Yes, smashing,' said Hayden, who had been wondering whether or not Boudicca had managed to negotiate Jessica's underwear this time, or even bothered trying. 'Sorry, did you ask me something?'

'I guess it doesn't really matter,' said Peter, as they all began piling back into the car. 'I was just wondering if Boudicca used to wear tablecloths and curtains.'

'Oh, yes, absolutely,' said Hayden. 'She wore a multicoloured tunic and a cloak fastened with a brooch. I remember that because I had to draw a picture of her. Where now?'

'Now we pick up the trail again,' said Egon, and so they did.

.-.-.

Boudicca, in Jessica's body, was puzzled and frustrated to find that the Jacksons locked their doors at night. Doors had certainly come a long way since her day. Back then, it had not been that unusual for a family home not to have anything at all in the doorway, but now they all seemed to have something in them that wouldn't budge. At the back and the front of the house, the doors were fixed shut. The windows were also unfathomable to Boudicca. She soon realised that she would have to break her way in, and if there was any means of doing so quietly, she could never find it out.

She took a few moments to think, and to look into Jessica's mind. This was not a house she knew well. She had been there only once, when the woman was pregnant and just beginning to look it. She and her husband had gone out, and left Jessica with two children: a baby boy, whom she had put to bed in one of the bigger rooms, and an adolescent girl who was very angry at being made to use the smallest room in the house.

'Well, you have another bedroom at your dad's, don't you?' Jessica had said.

'Why does _everyone_ think that's an excuse?' the girl had fumed.

This snippet of information was not helpful, so Boudicca stepped on it and tried to concentrate on the layout of the house. The picture of it was so unlike anything she had ever known. It seemed to her more Roman than anything else, with its staircase and drainage system and showy furniture, and she hated it. She looked around for something heavy, saw a collection of vast stones in a neighbour's flowerbed, went to it and picked up the biggest rock she could find. Then she returned to the Jacksons' house, held the stone behind her ear and, finally, threw it with all her might.

The result almost frightened her. The window had broken much more easily, and much more noisily, than she had expected. At once, an impossibly bright light appeared upstairs, and she heard voices. The people would be upon her at any moment, and Boudicca did not want to be seen, but nor did she want to run away.

She ducked behind the car parked in the driveway, waiting while people moved around inside the house, and the woman shouted, 'Why the hell are you taking Lucy with you to tackle a possible rapist, you idiot?'

'Sorry!' the man shouted back. Then there were running footsteps, murmured voices and a screech of, '_What_?'

At this, for the first time during the whole affair, Boudicca felt her conscience prick her. It was obvious to her that the man knew she was after their baby, her Wynnfrith, and he had just informed the mother. She would not put the child down now until she knew she was safe, and perhaps not even then. Boudicca wondered what to do. She thought of going to look for a different child… there must have been an insurmountable number of them in this vast and impossible future world… but then the Ecto-1 arrived, the front door of the house opened, Roland ran out and then suddenly they were all talking over each other in an effort to get their questions answered.

She noticed Hayden, and Jessica's parents, and somewhere inside her she felt a violent jolt of resistance. She couldn't stay out there a moment longer, and she couldn't try to get past them with nowhere to run to and nothing to show for her efforts. The path into the house, however, was clear. They would certainly see her, and if getting out of the house was as difficult as getting in, she was in for a hard time. But she could see no other choice. She moved slowly, out of sight, staying low behind the car for as long as she could. Then she ran in through the open front door and up the stairs.

The reaction from her pursuers was instant and spectacular. They started running after her, yelling and crying and even tripping over each other, from the sound of it. Peter said shrilly, 'Why didn't anyone notice she was hiding behind the goddamn car?'

When she reached the top of the staircase, she knew exactly where to go. She couldn't get her Wynnfrith that night. The mother would have her somewhere, clutching her to her breast, prepared to die before she would give the child up. But there was another child, little more than a baby still, in the brightly coloured room that Boudicca had seen in Jessica's mind. She went to it, and she saw the boy sitting up on his bed. His mother was beside him, staring in astonishment and terror, the baby sleeping against her bosom.

Of course, Boudicca realised, this woman wouldn't leave her son vulnerable to whoever had broken into their home. Behind her, outside the bedroom door, at least two pursuers could be heard gaining on her. In the blink of an eye, she weighed up her options. She could leave Jessica's body, or she could try to resist them, using Jessica as a hostage that they could not possibly get away from her. But it wouldn't do. She had gone there for one thing, and one thing only.

In the single moment available to her, Boudicca found Jessica's knowledge, put on Jessica's smile and said, in Jessica's voice and idiom, 'Hey, Adam! C'mere!' She bent down and held out her arms.

'Adam, _no_!' Grace wailed, grabbing a fistful of Spiderman pyjamas, but too late. Adam got away from her and walked into the arms of Jessica, his trusted friend, come to get him out of bed for an unexpected play date. It had taken willpower and perceptiveness for Hayden to resist her, but these were qualities that Adam had not yet learned. It didn't seem odd to him that Jessica was wearing a dress made out of a chequered tablecloth and a curtain cord, and a cloak made from a navy blue curtain. In fact, he didn't even notice.

'Cookie?' he asked hopefully.

'I don't know what you mean, Prasutagus,' she said, resuming the way of speaking she had picked up in England over the centuries, just as Roland and Dana stumbled through the door behind her.

'Put him down!' said Grace.

'Get out of my daughter, you medieval bitch!' cried Dana.

Boudicca started backing towards the window, looking around for some kind of weapon, and finding none in the two year old's bedroom. She was disgusted at the sheer amount of furnishings, decorations and animal effigies the child possessed, and blamed the Romans, for surely this society had evolved from their lofty ideas.

Surely, then, there must be something heavy in the room, and she had to find it quickly, because the boy's father was coming to snatch the child from her. He was big. He would certainly triumph if it came to a battle of strength. She grabbed the only thing that looked at all useful, which was a top-heavy reading lamp, and tried it against the window, remembering how easily the last one had broken. This time, the window remained intact, but something smashed: the bulb inside the lamp. Boudicca had no idea what it was, but she could see that the shards were sharp. Still holding Adam she stooped, picked up a large piece of glass and said, 'Let us go or I'll cut her wrists!'

Roland stopped in his tracks. Dana broke down into sobs. Peter stared at the piece of glass she was holding, and said, 'You're bluffing. That's nowhere near sharp enough.'

'I think you'll find it is,' said Boudicca, trying the shard against the thumb of Jessica's left hand, and finding it quite as sharp as she wanted. She held the hand up, palm outwards, displaying the trickle of blood running down towards the wrist. Adam, having witnessed this act of self-mutilation from only inches away, started to cry.

'Hush, Prasutagus,' Boudicca said, bouncing him on her hip.

'That's her husband's name,' Hayden said quietly.

'So the fuck what?' said Peter, wide-eyed with panic. 'Egon, you're not helping! What the hell do we do about this?'

'I'm going over all the options in my mind, Peter,' said Egon. 'Every solution I can think of involves putting Jessica at risk, if not Adam.'

'For God's sake, stop her!' cried Grace, as Boudicca began making her way slowly from the room, Jessica's hijacked right arm wrapped around the tearful Adam and holding the glass shard to her left wrist.

'You're a mother!' said Dana, as she reached the doorway. 'You know what this is doing to us!'

'I happen to know that you have another child,' said Boudicca, as she backed towards the staircase. 'So does the other woman. She has two daughters, in fact, which is a joy and a blessing. And you are alive - you can have more. Must you make such a fuss? Surely at least some of you have suffered the loss of children before!'

'Infant mortality isn't as common as it was in your day,' said Egon. 'We aren't at all used to losing children. Please, Boudicca, put Adam down. You'll break his mother's heart.'

'Don't I figure in all of this?' Roland asked quietly.

'Of course,' said Peter. 'They're just trying to appeal to her maternal instincts.'

'Please…' said Grace, taking a step forwards, clutching Lucy tightly to her chest.

'Stay back!' said Boudicca, pressing the shard of glass to Jessica's skin.

For a moment, everyone was still and silent. Then Hayden suddenly burst out with, 'Why would you _do_ that? Are you really going to kill her? Where would you go if you did - to some other defenceless person's body? And what about Jess? She's an innocent young woman, just like your daughters were! Please, Boudicca! I've only ever heard good things about you, up until tonight.'

She stared at him. Then she said, 'You mean you have heard of me before?'

'Of course,' said Hayden. 'English schoolchildren learn all about you. You resisted the Romans. Your army destroyed Londinium, and before that Colchester… Camul… um, Camulodunum, I think they called it… and St. Albans afterwards. Verulamium.' It took all his powers of memory to recall the Roman names. 'You're a hero.'

'But,' said Boudicca, still staring at him, 'I lost. My people lost.'

'Well,' said Hayden, 'yes, but you did a lot more to resist the Romans than most people. No one in England had ever done anything like that before.'

'How…' she said slowly, 'how long have I been dead?'

'Nearly two thousand years.'

'As long as that?'

'Yes. Well, nearer nineteen hundred and fifty. But that's almost two thousand, and you'll be remembered for at least another two thousand years after that - I just know it!'

'I… I never thought…'

'Well, no one really thinks they're going to be remembered that long, do they?'

'And… my daughters…'

'We remember what happened to them,' Hayden said gently, hoping to imply that more was known about these two nameless characters than was truly the case. 'I'm so sorry.'

'I… thank you,' Boudicca said distantly, and then suddenly she inhaled a great gulp of air, went wild-eyed and very nearly fell down the stairs with Adam still whimpering on her arm. Hayden grabbed her arms to steady her, and she grasped his sleeve with her free hand, cutting it with the shard of glass she held.

'Hayden?' she gasped.

'Jess?' said Hayden, and then suddenly everyone was clamouring round, all shouting at once, Peter looking around for something at which to shoot proton streams.

'No!' said Jessica, waving them away. 'She's still here.' She moved her clutching, bleeding hand to the front of Hayden's jacket and said, 'Get her out of me!'

'Jess, put Adam down!' Hayden said urgently.

Jessica shook her head. 'She won't…'

'Someone take him!' Grace yelled, unable to do so herself, as she had her arms full of Lucy. Everyone else made a move, but Roland got their first. He pulled Adam from Jessica's resisting arm without too much difficulty, and began trying to soothe his tears.

Jessica still had the glass shard, as Hayden realised when he saw the blood dripping onto his jacket. He grabbed her right hand, forced it away from him and prised it open.

'Don't do any more damage to her, _please_!' he said, gingerly teasing the glass out of the fleshy part of her palm.

'What can I do?' said Boudicca, almost weeping now, clinging to him with the hand that had held Adam moments before.

'What are you _doing_, Hayden?' said Peter. 'Give her to me!'

'Please,' said Hayden, turning his head to look at him, 'just give me a minute.'

'We should let him try, Peter,' said Egon, who now had his arm around a sobbing Dana. 'If it doesn't work, we'll take her to the firehouse and work on her there.'

As he spoke, Boudicca in Jessica's body was sinking slowly to the floor, and Hayden was going with her.

'You can go wherever you want,' he said gently. 'You could try to find your daughters, and your husband. Or you could go back to Norfolk. It hasn't been spoiled… well, except maybe Norwich. But it's mostly beautiful. I have a brother there, and he knows all about you as well. Whatever else they taught me when I was seven, I've completely forgotten it, but I remember you. Don't make me hate you. I really don't want to, but if you won't give us back Jessica of your own freewill, then I could never forgive you.'

'You love her, don't you?' Boudicca said quietly.

'Yes,' said Hayden, more quietly still, knowing how angry Jessica would be if anyone heard him admitting to this. 'I do.'

'As my husband loved me.'

'At least as much as that.'

'I'm sorry,' whispered Boudicca.

'I know,' Hayden said, also whispering, completely caught up in the moment.

Then suddenly Jessica lurched forward, took a great gulp of air, pushed Hayden away and said, in her own voice, 'Get the hell off of me, you freak!'

'Jessica!' Dana admonished. Then she amended her tone, and said tearfully, 'Oh, Jess! Jessica! Honey!' and lifted her daughter's limp body into the tightest hug of her life.

'She made hundreds of cuts in my hand!' said Jessica, who was now bleeding all over her mother. 'What the fu-… hell am I wearing?' Just in time, she remembered Adam.

'Your clothes are in the car, sweetie,' said Dana.

'We have antiseptic and stuff in the kitchen,' said Grace. 'Come with me, Jessica. Will somebody please take Lucy?'

'Oh, I will!' said Dana, holding out her arms eagerly. 'Grace, how is she still asleep?'

As Grace shepherded Jessica downstairs, Adam wriggled out of his father's arms, tugged on Hayden's jeans and said, 'Pony!'

'Why the heck not?' said Hayden, sinking to his hands and knees. 'Jump aboard, Adam.'

'It's kind of late, Hayden,' Roland said uncertainly.

'You can't expect him to sleep after all that, Roland,' said Dana. 'Oh, Hayden, you saved my baby! How can I ever thank you?'

'Hold on, Dana,' said Peter. 'We don't know what she might try next. We haven't caught her, don't forget.'

'And you're not going to!' said Hayden, pausing halfway along the landing, and getting kicked in the sides for his trouble. 'Ow, Adam. Poor pony! She won't do anything else, Peter, I know! She won't, Egon, will she?'

'I don't know,' said Egon, studying his PKE meter. 'You know her better than I do, Hayden. If you're confident she's mended her ways…'

'There's nothing wrong with her ways,' said Hayden. 'It was just a blip. We've all had the odd lapse in behaviour, haven't we? I know I have. Please don't go after her again!'

'Well,' said Peter, 'she's gone, anyway. If we wanted to find her again, it would be a lot of trouble.'

'Thank you,' said Hayden.

'Oh, Hayden,' said Peter, his tone softening. 'Thank _you_.'

_To be continued..._


	5. Epilogue

_Ghostbusters: _**The Queen****'****s Revenge**

Epilogue

Lucy was put back into her crib and hovered over by Grace, while Jessica spent almost an hour on the Jacksons' sofa, trying to compose herself. She sat with her right palm held upwards on her knee, smeared in antiseptic cream, her fingers and thumb spread wide. Her parents sat on either side of her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back and squeezing her shoulders, asking from time to time if there was anything she needed.

Adam took a few more rides on Hayden's back, and then had a tantrum when Grace (with one eye still on Lucy's crib) said it was time he went back to bed. Then suddenly Lucy woke up wanting an extremely early morning snack. Grace went to feed her, and Roland took over trying to pacify their son. Hayden tried to sneak off, but found that he couldn't with Adam clinging to his right leg.

Egon was at the kitchen table, looking through the Yellow Pages and making a list of people Roland or Grace might like to call to fix their window.

'I'm so sorry,' Jessica said, when Grace staggered downstairs looking exhausted. She had Lucy draped over her left shoulder, dribbling breast milk down her chin and happily sucking her knuckles.

'Don't be sorry, Jess,' said Grace, collapsing into an armchair. 'Having small children is hectic and exhausting at the best of times. I feel bad for saying it, but I'm glad Nat's with her dad. God knows what a moody teenager would be like in this situation.'

'We shouldn't still be here,' said Jessica. 'I feel better now, honestly. Let's go.'

'You can't go until someone gets Adam away from Hayden,' said Grace. 'Nice as that boy is, you needn't think you're leaving him here.'

'He must give _really_ good horseback rides,' Peter remarked as, above his head, Adam let out a particularly shrill scream.

'Roland isn't firm enough with him,' said Grace.

'Dads often aren't,' said Dana, remembering her own offspring's extreme youth.

'Grace, you must let me pay for the window,' said Peter.

'You shouldn't have to,' said Jessica. 'It wasn't really me that broke it. But Roland and Grace shouldn't have to pay either - I'm not saying that.'

'Well,' said Peter, 'Boudicca can't pay. I could try making a call to English Heritage, but I bet they won't give us anything.'

'I'm going to have to go and shut Adam up, aren't I?' said Grace. 'Take Lucy, someone.'

Peter stood up and held out his arms. Grace gave Lucy to him, then disappeared upstairs. Moments later, the screaming got louder, and then Hayden appeared in the doorway.

'I wish someone had told me,' he said, 'never to give a two year old rides on my back in the middle of the night.'

'You learn these things as you get older, honey,' said Dana. 'Are you really feeling better now, Jess? If you are, we could get Egon and go.'

'No we couldn't,' said Peter. 'I have Lucy. Oh, wait, I can give her to Roland,' as the man himself entered the room. 'Here you go. She's almost asleep again.'

'That's good,' said Roland. 'I'll put her down and then try and persuade Adam to drink some slumber milk.'

'You mean the stuff that comes from sleepy cows?' asked Hayden. 'Does it work?' (He had been curious about this ever since taking a sleep module for his psychology A level.)

'Well,' said Roland, 'it certainly works on me. You know, Kylie didn't say anything about Boudicca possibly trying to kidnap Adam.'

'Don't blame Kylie, Roland,' said Jessica. 'I can see how it happened. When Boudicca was pretending we were her daughters, she told us to expect a baby sister, so someone must have told Kylie that. Anyway, it's not like you weren't looking after Adam as well. Grace had the sense to sit with him, but it seems no one can tell a boy to keep away from me. I'm really sorry, Roland.'

'It's not your fault,' said Roland.

'Is Adam going to be scared of me now, do you think?'

'If he is,' said Roland, 'I'm sure it won't last. Little kids bounce back from these things. I'd better take Lucy upstairs.'

'Why don't I bring up the slumber milk?' said Dana. 'That'll save you some time.'

'Thank you,' said Roland, and he escorted her out of the room.

'So,' said Jessica as, in the kitchen, Dana was looking in Roland's fridge and telling Egon they were almost ready to leave. 'How does slumber milk actually work?'

'It has the cows' melatonin in it,' said Hayden. 'That's the hormone that makes you sleep. Is that right, Peter? Only I learned it at school, and since university, I've been finding out that most of what they taught me at school is bollocks.'

'Bollocks, huh?' said Peter. 'Well, there's a little more to it than that, but it's a reasonable explanation of how slumber milk works.'

'Peter,' said Egon, appearing in the doorway. 'Perhaps you and I should load all our equipment into the Ecto-1.'

'Sounds like a riot,' said Peter. He squeezed Jessica's arm and gave her a smile, then followed Egon out to the car with their equipment.

'It's too bad about all this,' Jessica said, finding herself alone with Hayden. 'Adam's not the only one who wanted to ride you like a horse tonight. But I guess we can't really sneak off now.'

'I don't think so,' said Hayden. 'Jess, be honest with me. How are you feeling?'

'Fine. My right hand is sore, but I'm pretty ambidextrous in bed, as you know, and if necessary I can always just use my mouth and my -'

'I'm not talking about sex.'

'Well, I am.'

'I really want to know if you're all right. Look… what I said, at the top of the stairs…'

'I don't want to hear about that.'

'Oh, nice,' said Hayden, looking hurt, and to Jessica's surprise she was moved by this.

'Look,' she said, 'you're not doing yourself any favours. Even if I was interested in having a real relationship, and _even_ if we didn't have a mutual half-brother to consider -'

'He's got nothing to do with it!'

'Even without all of that, we live in different countries, for crying out loud!'

'That doesn't have to -'

'Don't say it!' said Jessica. 'I can't understand you, Wallance. Isn't sex with no strings all a nineteen-year-old guy really wants? Actually, don't answer that - we'd better stop talking about it before Mom comes back down here. How long does it take to bring a kid a glass of milk, anyway?'

'She's cooing over him, I expect,' said Hayden. 'She's missing Oscar - I can tell. She was mothering me in the back of the car earlier.'

Jessica's reaction to this was not at all what he expected. She scowled, adopted an aggressive stance, shoved a finger in his face and said, 'She is _not_ your mother! She's _my mother_! Mine! You got that?'

Hayden raised his eyebrows. 'Like Oscar's your brother and not mine, you mean? Are we back to that?'

'We never left "that". And we never will.'

'Well, if that's how you feel about me and Oscar, why consider him an obstacle to - OW!'

Jessica, on hearing someone come in through the front door, had kicked him violently in the shin.

'Jessica!' said Peter, standing in the living room doorway with a bundle of clothes in his arms. 'I thought you'd grown out of that.'

'Old habits die hard,' said Jessica, glaring at Hayden.

'Why must everyone kick me tonight?' Hayden said plaintively. 'Absolutely _everyone_!'

'If you're wondering what's taking us so long, Dad,' said Jessica, 'it's because Mom's still upstairs with Adam. I honestly think she's forgotten that her own daughter has just been through a traumatic experience.'

'Actually, Jess, I was wondering if you wanted to change your clothes before we go.'

'Oh.' Jessica looked down at herself.

'I mean, with those being stolen…'

'Yeah, okay.' She went from the room, taking the clothes from Peter as she passed him.

.-.-.

Egon drove first to the Venkmans' house, where Hayden was invited to spend the night, and however much of the morning he needed to catch up on his sleep. Jessica almost had a tantrum about him being given Oscar's bedroom, but then remembered suddenly that she was not Adam's age, however much she might feel it, and decided to let it slide. Sleep did not come easily to either of them, each knowing that the other was only a bathroom away, but off limits while Jessica's parents were in the vicinity.

Next, Egon drove to the firehouse, where he found Conchita and Rose both asleep on the couch, covered with a thick furniture throw and each cuddling up to a magazine. Janine, John and Eden were all seated round the kitchen table, playing Monopoly and watched by Slimer.

'You're not still here!' said Egon.

'You can never accurately say that to anyone,' said John.

'Tell us what happened, Father,' said Eden.

'Tell us in the car,' said Janine, getting to her feet and chivvying the twins onto theirs. 'I don't want to hear any suggestion of finishing the game - Monopoly takes _days_ to play! We do have to go, Egon, because I need to sleep and I can't do it here. Eduardo and Kylie went upstairs an hour ago, and I'm not _completely_ sure what they've been doing.'

.-.-.

Peter honestly thought he had woken to the sound of Oscar and Jessica arguing on the landing, as they sometimes used to do. It even seemed to be about clothes, which had been a frequent bone of contention, thanks to Jessica's habit of helping herself to hand-me-downs long before Oscar was ready to hand them down. Peter then began to wonder why Oscar had suddenly developed an English accent, and it took him fully five seconds to realise that it was eight or ten years later than it seemed to be.

'Put it back, you grubby little thief!' Jessica was saying, as Peter emerged from the master bedroom. Though he didn't know it, she was already in a foul mood resulting from the difficulty of untangling her hair, and annoyed with herself for not immediately going for the miracle conditioner in the firehouse.

'I need it,' said Hayden. 'You bled on mine. It's only on loan - I'm not nicking it.'

'Why can't you speak real English?'

'This _is_ real English. I learned it in England.'

'Don't fight, you guys, it's too early,' said Peter, yawning.

'It's almost noon,' said Hayden.

'When you don't get to bed until four in the morning,' said Peter, 'almost noon is early.'

'Oh, good, you're all up.' Dana was coming up the stairs with a basket of laundry on her hip. 'Jessica, honey, don't be mean to Hayden - you know Oscar wouldn't mind him borrowing a sweater. Will you go to the firehouse this afternoon? The phone's been ringing - _everyone__'__s_ concerned and wants to see you. And Hayden, can you go as well? Rose wants to show you something.'

'Rose?' said Hayden. 'Wants to show _me_ something? How unexpected.'

'Come and have something to eat, all of you,' Dana said, dumping her laundry basket by the linen closet and making her way back downstairs. Peter followed, but Hayden and Jessica lingered on the landing, her scowl and his puzzled frown turning at once to looks of longing.

'I dreamt about you last night,' Jessica said, in a low voice, once she was sure her parents were in the kitchen and engaged in conversation.

'You've got to stay with me tonight, Jess,' said Hayden. 'I'll go mad otherwise.'

'Not half as mad as me,' she said, and for a moment a strange look passed over her, as though she really might go mad at any moment.

'Are you really okay?' Hayden asked.

'Yes,' said Jessica, and made her way downstairs, looking quite herself again.

.-.-.

Garrett Miller rolled out of the elevator into the rec room, and announced, 'Dana just called.' He'd been manning the desk, as Janine had refused to go into work until at least lunchtime. 'They're on their way.'

It was quite a gathering he announced this to. Eduardo and Kylie were still there with their daughters, not having left since the previous night (Eduardo had almost been sent home to feed the cat, but got around it by putting in a call to his uncommonly kind sister-in-law). John and Eden had insisted that Egon take them back to the firehouse so that they could see Jessica, and perhaps quiz her, if she felt up to it. Charlene had arrived with Winston before she'd even heard the news, as she was keen to see Jessica anyway, after a night of mentally fitting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle (and in fact, with the story of Jessica's possession, she was handed the final piece). Ray was there, full of apologies for having left before crisis struck the previous evening, and telling anyone who would listen that if anything like it happened again, they must feel free to call him at any time of the day or night. Finally, there was Garrett's adopted son Max, who had been most distressed when he heard the Boudicca story, as he was very fond of everyone who had been affected. Even so, it was Rose whose footsteps he had dogged all morning.

'You're in my personal space,' she said eventually. 'Stop hanging over me like a teacher.'

'Sorry, RoRo,' said Max, and he took a small step away from her. He looked hurt, and Rose was sorry for that, for the most part. A small part of her, however, was not sorry in the slightest: the part that never could forgive Max for suddenly being so tall.

She could cope with Conchita shooting upwards (and, in some places, outwards) the way she was, because she had almost three years on her little sister, and had always been taller. Max, on the other hand, was five months Rose's junior had always been pretty much her size, until the previous winter. They had exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve, and then the next time she saw him, he was a head taller than she. Only a few days after that, he was taller still. As the months wore on, Rose wondered when she was going to experience a growth spurt such as this, but then one day she noticed how small her mother really was. That explained everything, and if the short gene had bypassed the older sister but not the younger (which, Rose thought, it certainly had), such was the luck of the Rivera girls.

'You can see my picture if you want, Max,' said Rose, by way of a peace offering.

'Okay,' said Max, the smile coming back to his face, and he admired and asked questions about the picture of Boudicca's beach until Peter, Jessica and Hayden arrived.

'Hayden!' said Conchita, beaming when she saw him, while Slimer appeared and threw himself at Jessica. 'Jessica said to ask you about the eleventh-century church door.'

'Look at my picture, Hayden,' said Rose, pointing to where it sat on the coffee table, 'and tell me if it looks like Norfolk.'

'What's the most coolest thing in the whole of London, Hayden?' asked Max. 'I'm Max, by the way.'

'I remember you, Max,' said Hayden. 'You never sat still - it was exhausting to watch you. I shouldn't think you remember me, though. You were only little.'

'I remember your mom,' said Max and, as he spoke, a sparkle came into his eyes that should have been beyond his years.

'I remember your mom too,' said Garrett.

'Yeah, me too,' said Eduardo.

'Nice lady,' said Winston.

'Very easy to talk to,' said Ray.

'Oh, yeah,' said Peter, 'Kate's a total sweetheart.'

'I think I remember her too,' said John. 'I guess I forgot about her when I asked you if all English girls were ugly, Hayden.'

'Hold on a minute,' said Hayden. 'Do you mean you all…? Never mind. Let's have a look at this picture, then, Rose.'

'Rosy's the best artist ever!' said Max, taking Hayden's hand and pulling him towards the coffee table.

'So,' said Jessica, once she had bullied Slimer into leaving her alone. 'Everyone wants to see _me_, do they?'

'I do,' said Charlene, going over and hugging her. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'Good. Come into the kitchen with me - I want to ask you something,' and she dragged Jessica away without waiting for her consent.

'Rose,' said Hayden, staring at the picture in admiration. 'This is absolutely brilliant. I'd like to show it to my mum, since we're all so interested in her. She used to write about art for an important newspaper, and now she does it freelance. She'd be blown away by you.'

Rose took a moment to work out whether or not he was being sincere. Then, when she had decided that he was, she put on one of her rare smiles.

'Of course the beaches would have changed since Boudicca's day,' Hayden said, when he had been made to understand the context of the picture, 'but it does look a bit like a real beach in Norfolk. Sherringham. They do brilliant ice cream there.'

'What _is_ the coolest thing in the whole of London?' Max asked again.

'Well,' said Hayden, 'that depends completely on your point of view. If you're a tourist, the London Eye takes a lot of beating, or you might like the London Dungeon, Max. Boys do. And, as I told her yesterday, Chita would like Covent Garden Market.'

'What would I like?' asked Rose.

'The art galleries, I expect. Then there's the Tower of London, which is utterly brilliant, and Hyde Park… there's nothing quite like a summer evening concert in Hyde Park…'

'You left your heart behind in London, didn't you, Hayden?' Conchita said, a romantic look coming into her eyes.

'There will always, _always_ be a big part of my heart in London,' said Hayden, 'wherever I go, and whatever I do. But it's not all there. Hasn't been for years.'

'What's your personal coolest thing in London, Hayden?' Ray asked.

'The Museum of Childhood,' said Hayden. 'My brother and sister and I used to go there a lot when we were kids.'

'Have you ever been to Wimbledon?' asked Max. 'To see the tennis, I mean, not just anyway. My mom got tickets for the men's quarter-finals at Flushing Meadows a couple weeks ago - we saw Andy Murray getting beaten! Do you support him? Were you bummed when he lost? How psyched were you when he won Olympic gold in London? Did you see any of the Olympics in person?'

'No, yes, fairly, very, and not officially,' said Hayden, 'but I did see some of the rowing from my bedroom window.'

'Wow!' said Max, as though Hayden had just told him that he'd found the end of the rainbow and yes, the rumours were true, there was indeed a pot of gold.

'What about this church door?' asked Conchita.

'What about the art galleries?' asked Rose.

'What about the Olympics?' asked Max.

'Hang on,' said Hayden. 'I think I'm going to have to write all these questions down.'

.-.-.

In the kitchen, meanwhile, Jessica was making frantic shushing gestures at Charlene and asking in a strangled whisper, 'Are you _crazy_?'

'No,' Charlene said.

'You _know_ I don't do complicated.'

'Sure.'

'And we have the same half-brother. That's complicated.'

'Well,' said Charlene, 'if it really is just sex…'

'Why would I go for _him_?' Jessica asked. 'He's not even my type!'

'No?'

'No! Apart from the fact that his whole family are my sworn enemies, he's younger than me, and he's smaller than me, and he's blond. I've never been with _anyone_ who was _any _of those things! I mean, can you imagine him naked? Y'know, they don't even circumcise them over there. Or not usually, anyway.'

'I didn't know that,' said Charlene. 'How do _you_ know that?'

'I don't know - it must have come up sometime. Oh, go on, laugh - I walked right into it.'

'Nah, too obvious. Look, since when do you care so much about… stuff like that?'

'It's not what I'm used to. That's all I'm saying.'

'So what? Just because something's a little different, doesn't mean you can't like it.'

'Oh, I guess you're right,' Jessica said, looking suddenly thoughtful and even, Charlene fancied, a little relieved.

'Of course I'm right,' she said. 'You might be a tomboy, Jess, but you're not so much of a guy that you care more about how they look than how they feel.'

'I don't think I can really be called a tomboy anymore, Charlene - I'm too old. Anyway, why should _he_ feel so great that I can't resist him? I don't even like him! How do you explain that?'

'You only don't like him on principle,' said Charlene, 'when you remember. The rest of the time, I think you like him just fine.'

'I do not!'

'No?'

'No! How can I? He's sitting there like he owns the place in _my_ brother's sweater, the thieving little…'

'Well,' said Charlene, 'that's a lot of reasons not to be attracted to him. Too young, too pale, too skinny, too controversial… wrong sweater!'

'All very good reasons.'

'There have been good reasons for you not to be attracted to _any _of your boyfriends, Jess. It's never stopped you before. And it obviously doesn't bother him either - I've seen the way he looks at you.'

'You have?' Jessica scowled. 'I'll have to speak him about that.'

'Yeah? You're not denying it?'

'What, that _he_ looks at _me_? That wouldn't wash. He doesn't make any secret of it. He used to do it before, too, ever since the first time they came here after I grew boobs.'

'Well, you did that forever ago,' said Charlene. 'Hayden must have been a child.'

'He was. He can't help it. He's a guy - they're all like that. But why would _I_ want _him_?'

'Do you really want me to stand here and try to answer that?'

'I just can't see any way that it would make sense. And neither can you. You can't, can you? _Can _you!'

'I don't know, Jess,' said Charlene. 'It doesn't have to make sense. Maybe he just found your smooth handle.'

'Well,' said Jessica, making a face, and then they both collapsed into fits of laughter.

'What's so funny?' asked Kylie, coming into the room.

'Sex,' said Charlene, while Jessica tried to get over her alarm at almost being caught. She must not, she told herself, talk about it again to anyone, anywhere, ever.

'Oh, yes, hilarious,' said Kylie, smiling to herself. Then she looked vaguely around the room, and said, 'Hayden wants something to write on. And with.'

'What are you waiting on him for?' asked Jessica. 'I never knew he was a male chauvinist pig, whatever else I thought about him.'

'I like him,' said Kylie. 'Everyone seems to. Not that I'm saying you have to, Jess.'

'Kylie,' said Charlene. 'You might know the answer to this. When you really don't want to get romantically involved with someone, but you just _have _to jump into bed with him at every opportunity, what do you do about it?'

'Well,' said Kylie, 'you know what _I_ did about it.'

'What if you don't want to do that?' Jessica could not help asking.

'I don't know,' said Kylie. 'Go cold turkey, I guess. You can't just have casual sex forever. Well, I guess you could try, but I bet it wouldn't work. For one thing you might get pregnant, like I did. Why?'

'Oh,' said Charlene, 'just something for one of my psych classes.'

'Yeah? Sounds like an interesting class. _There__'__s_ that notepad - I knew it was in here somewhere!' So saying, Kylie scooped up the notepad and left.

'She's right, you know,' said Charlene. 'Those pills of yours aren't foolproof.'

'I know that,' said Jessica. 'Haven't I told you about not lecturing me?'

'I'm just saying that maybe you should think about stopping. For _all_ kinds of reasons.'

'Stopping what? I haven't admitted to anything. And even if I had, it couldn't go on past next summer anyway.'

'Well, if you're absolutely sure no one will get hurt…'

'Thank you, Jiminy Cricket, you can stop now,' and so saying, Jessica went to hear the rest of Hayden's lecture on England.

'Do you know any British sports I wouldn't know?' Max was asking. 'If you do, will you teach me how to play them? Will you draw diagrams of all the positions?'

'Absolutely,' said Hayden, frantically writing things down. 'You're just as exhausting as ever, Max. Please everybody try not to think of any more questions until after I've got through this lot. Okay, so the Tower of London… Jess, are you all right?'

'Will everyone please stop asking me that?' said Jessica. 'I am _fine_. Egon, stay the hell away from me with that thing!'

Egon decided to obey, and put down his PKE meter, but only for the time being.

.-.-.

Almost a whole week passed before Boudicca was discussed again. Rose talked about it to Max the following Friday, when she had him on his own. She was staying the night with him, to avoid Conchita's much maligned sleepover.

Eduardo had said, when Rose left him on the Millers' doorstep with her schoolbag to follow Max into the two-bedroom apartment, 'We can't keep doing this forever.'

'We won't,' said Jo, Max's mother, who happened to be covered in debris from the dinner she was making, and was being licked by the family's enormous dog Knicks. 'But we can tonight, because they're nine. Anyway, they change in the bathroom. Rose insists.'

Eduardo was glad to hear this, and felt reassured until he got home and found that Conchita and her friends were talking about boys.

They were still talking about boys when Max and Rose, he in his own bed and she on a mattress on his floor, had their conversation about Boudicca.

'I really thought,' Rose said, 'I might never see anybody ever again. Except her.'

'I wouldn't let that happen,' said Max.

'What could you do about it?'

'I don't know. But there's always something you can do.'

'No there isn't.'

'Yes there is. There _was_ something, wasn't there? And Egon found it.'

'The other four were together,' said Rose. 'But I was on my own with her for a long time. Well, it seemed like a long time, anyway.'

'That's rough, RoRo,' said Max. 'If anything like that happens again, just remember that lots of people will be trying to get you back, especially me. Okay?'

'Okay.'

They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both staring at the ceiling. Then Rose said, 'I remember Hayden's mom too.'

'She was pretty,' said Max.

'She was beautiful.'

.-.-.

'You seem better now,' Hayden said, surrounded by darkness and thin air, with Jessica lying naked in his arms. 'More like yourself. Consistently, I mean. You've mostly been all right. But I was worried.'

'Why?'

'Well, after Boudicca, you just seemed a bit… I don't know, different. You know I'm not the only one who thinks so.'

'I guess,' said Jessica. 'Well, she was in a lot of pain. I don't know what it's like when anyone else possesses someone - perhaps it's just the same - but it was a horrible feeling, being trapped in my own body with all that sadness and anger.'

'That sounds like something you shouldn't keep to yourself.'

'I'm not keeping it to myself, am I? But don't read anything into my telling _you_. I'm just… relaxed, at the moment. And I do feel better than I did. You just happen to be who I'm with right now.'

'I'm very glad that I am,' said Hayden. 'I'm so sorry it happened, Jess. I wish she hadn't done it.'

'Okay, listen. I've thought about it, and I don't want you to feel any differently about her. She was your hero - no one should take that away from you. She just wasn't thinking straight. How could she be, after what she went through, during her life _and_ after it?'

'You're sweet to say that.'

'I am not _sweet_,' said Jessica. 'Anyway, here's something. I've been wondering about it all week. She could have possessed anyone, and I wasn't the only woman of childbearing age in the place, so why choose me?'

'Oh, that's easy,' said Hayden. 'Because you were the most like her.'

'What? What do you mean?'

'Well, superficially, you look a bit like her. You've got more or less the same colouring, and the same kind of hair, and you're sort of… well, tall and buxom and shouty.'

Jessica propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him comically, through the darkness. 'Is that what I am? Tall and buxom and shouty?'

'Among other things, yes. And that's what the history books say she was like as well. You've even got quite similar names. Boudicca, Jessica… In fact I think they've started spelling her name with one C now, like yours. Philistines.'

'Maybe that's why you feel the way you do abut me,' said Jessica, starting to caress his neck and shoulders, just as she had an hour or so before. 'I remind you of your favourite elementary school project.'

'It was primary school I went to,' said Hayden. 'Anyway, that can't be it. I've loved you since you were small and skinny… and shouty.'

'Don't keep using that word.'

'What, shouty?'

'No!'

'Sorry. Look, are you really all right now, Jess? Because if you're not…'

'I am,' she said, and kissed him.

'…I couldn't…'

'Shut up.'

'…bear it.'

FINIS


End file.
